Romance for a Day
by Blake Zephyr
Summary: A prank—that's what she said when it started. A date—that was the lie he had to play with her. Yet, how did it become so horribly twisted? How could a single misunderstanding lead to a catastrophe of unholy proportions? How could a single prank cause girls to go after his mucous membranes, and guys—his hide? Where did it all go wrong…? An author's crazy attempt to be funny.
1. Where did it all go wrong?

Foreword: This fic is a _supposed_ sequel to _**Valentine's and Cigarettes**_. Please read that one first if you want to understand the following events clearly. Also, this fic contains some _suggestive_ themes and bouts of randomness, so please be warned.

Disclaimer: **Fairy Tail is owned by the Legendary Hiro Mashima.**

* * *

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…**Romance for a Day…**

_Where did it all go wrong?_

_..._

* * *

…_A single day brought about a gigantic catastrophe. _

Who would've known that today would be a day of blood and war, a day where sparks and flames would come flying from everywhere? Who could've foreseen that _he_ would have the fight of his entire life, and _she_ would fight with him in this seemingly never ending battle? Who would've thought that the world would turn against them for being together for one single day?

…And who could've predicted that a single prank would go so horribly awry?

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.

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"Mira—we are so _dead_." A formally dressed Mirajane Strauss casually smiled at a formally dressed Natsu Dragneel—who by the way, was carrying the former bridal-style…and running away from a mob of _very_ angry people. They passed by the crowded streets in a hazy blur, turning around different corners in an effort to shake off their pursuers.

But _damn_, _they_ were extremely persistent. The citizens of Magnolia ran away from the scene as soon as the _very_ angry mob rushed towards their way, and when the energetic duo met them by chance, they raised their eyes heavenward with this little prayer—

"…_God have mercy on your soul, Natsu Dragneel."_

…Okay, so with that aside—

"You don't have to tell me that, Natsu." The beautiful female replied with a chuckle, but his worried face didn't ease up. They turned towards a narrow alley formed by two buildings, and using his _inhumane_ skills—he proceeded in kicking up each side of the wall in order to reach the top. (***nods* **Like a ninja, he did.)

"Can't we just tell them it was a—"

"…!"

Natsu did not expect a huge man to pop out as soon as he made his way to the rooftop. What met him as soon as he reached the top was the gigantic fist of a horned, reptilian monster—coming towards him to deliver an almighty blow.

"You _UNMANly_ bastard—what the hell did you do to my sister?!" Elfman Strauss, now in the form of said (ugly) monster shouted fiercely; his look torn between anger and disbelief. Natsu bent down as his heavy arm sailed above, and he covered his legs with fire—before rushing to get away from the (ugly) monster/man.

"Calm down, you guys! We can explain—" His voice eventually trailed into mere whimper…because the person he _did_ _not_ want to meet the most was coming from the opposite direction, brandishing a sword in each hand…and aiming her _you're-a-dead-man_ eyes at him.

"MIRAJAAAAANE—I'm going to kill you!" Erza Scarlet yelled at the top of her lungs; her whole body clad in a black winged armor—The _Black Wing Armor_, so aptly named because…it was a black winged armor. Her eyes glowing ominously red, and her mouth relinquishing a monstrous amount of exhaled air; she swung vertically, but the fire mage sidestepped out of the way, and kicked her unguarded side as an added bonus. The armored mage staggered due to the unexpected attack, and when she finally regained her balance—

"I'M SORRRRRRYYYYYYY EEEEEEERRRRZAAAAAAAAAA!" He screamed, running top speed in order to get away from the monstrous girl.

"NAAATSUUU—GET BACK HERE, DAMMIT!" She yelled, infuriated at the sudden assault. When his distant form eventually faded into nonexistence, Erza Scarlet raised her sword with the battle cry—

"HAND ME HIS SORRY ASS!"

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.

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"Why, thank you Natsu." Mirajane muttered graciously as soon as they succeeded in the escape, but the pinkette was sweating bullets. His scarf was already drenched with perspiration, and his formal clothes—colored dark due to coincidence, weren't in any better shape. When he looked down at the smiling woman he carried in his strong arms, he could only breathe out a long, unsettled sigh because she looked as if she was _enjoying_ every single misfortune they had run into.

"Why did I ever agree to you…?" He shook his head at the thought, but regret wouldn't cut it. Right now, he was in _deeper_ shit than he could've ever imagined.

.

Unbeknownst to them, an unsuspected woman was hiding in the shadows, watching their every move from afar.

"Salamander, Salamander—you're mine." Minerva Orland, daughter of Sabertooth's former master mouthed coldly as she continued scouting them.

.

.

.

Zoom in on the pursuing mob, which was composed of mostly male mages—male mages with an _extreme_ amount of bloodthirst running through their veins.

"That lucky three timing idiot is gonna die, I tell you." Though naked, he wasn't the least bit afraid of what he was going to do. Gray Fullbuster was charging through the crowded streets, his steely eyes searching hard for a trace of pink and silver.

"It'd be nice pounding some sense into that bastard's cranium…" Gajeel muttered beside him, ending his statement with his infamous "Gihihihihihihi!" Laxus was leading the crusade, but his face was unusually shaped in a wide grin.

"Payback time." He mumbled, and Gray swallowed hard due to his vague sentence. He looked behind him, regarding characters either too generic or unimportant to even name.

"Why're you guys chasing Natsu again?"

"I don't care about that idiot; I just want to be this story's main character."

"Shut up! I'm gonna be the MC!"

"No, It's gonna be me!"

"Fuck you!"

"Wanna go?!"

His colleagues took turns in their replies, after which…the pursuing mob fought amongst its ranks…and the pursuit was left forgotten.

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.

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…From a tall tower, Lucy Heartfilia and Lisanna Strauss were watching the endless chase through magic binoculars. The latter was holding onto the cement railing, her face torn between hurt and disbelief.

"I thought you liked me, Natsu…" She muttered, but the blond was a bit more composed.

"Mira's gone crazy…we have to stop her—my status as this story's _lead_ female protagonist is in jeopardy!"

…Nope, she wasn't really that composed after all.

.

.

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On a train venturing towards Magnolia itself; we find a solitary woman closing her eyes, as she pushed aside every single thought her mind had conceived…until only one thing remained.

"Natsu…" She muttered; her magnificent raven hair as smooth and silky as ever, and her hands wound tightly on her deadly _nodachi._

"I have a feeling that I'm going to have to stab you with _this_ once in order to teach you a lesson."

_._

_._

_._

…_Where did it all go wrong?_

—everything came crashing down from the very beginning.

…

—_Six hours, forty-three minutes, twenty-two seconds and five milliseconds before—_

_(Fairy Tail HQ)_

…

It started off as a normal day; Fairy Tail mages were running amok, their heavy feet resounding every now and then in order to have their missions approved. Some were drinking to their heart's content, despite how early it still was. Others were engaged in petty fights over the most miniscule of things, like who should be on the next cover of the Sorcerer Magazine, or which wizard was the strongest…etc, etc.

However, this story is not about those random people; so let's leave them aside, shall we?

.

.

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With his face positioned against the table and his hands over it, the infamous _Salamander_ shouted two mere words—

"I'M BORED!"

Everyone turned around to the source of the voice; before finding out that it could only be the usual cocky, arrogant, idiotic, flame-brained, mischievous and a whole lot of damn words and descriptions—guy. After a few raised eyebrows and questioning looks arose, the whole matter was completely left forgotten as the occupants attended to their businesses.

_Oh, if only they knew…_

This simple, but extremely ominous statement started what would be Fairy Tail's—no, Fiore's…no, actually _even_ Earthland's biggest calamity. The moment Natsu Dragneel relinquished these words from his mouth, the gears of fate started turning and everything was set into motion.

"Why don't you go on a mission?" A voice erupted out of nowhere, and he looked up to find the usual blond bent over—her ample cleavage exposed for all viewers to see; not that he liked it or anything. Flying behind her was a creature which broke the law of animal physics and logic—Happy _the_ _flying_ cat.

His two best friends peered over to look at his rather pitiful state, and he breathed out a long sigh before replying.

"Lucy, there are times when I don't want to do missions you know? You think I'm a mission-crazed maniac or something?" He reasoned, earning her disbelief and prompting the flying cat (seriously?!) to roll out his tongue.

"Natsu misses Kagura~ They liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike each other!" Hearing this, the celestial mage released a triumphant smirk at the bored pinkette.

"Oh—" She started, but—

"If you say something, I'm gonna tell everyone about your smutty nove—" Lucy covered the Dragonslayer's mouth, searching the guild for any eavesdroppers. She admitted defeat by raising her arms in surrender.

_Boy, she did not want others to know what she did to kill time._

"Fine, fine."

For the second (no, I think third…I dunno) time since this story started (yeah, it's definitely third), Natsu Dragneel released a heavy sigh.

…

—_One month ago—_

…

"_It's been fun." He whispered lightly, as they finally came to a stop after what seemed like eternity._

"…_I agree, but I wish it could've gone on until forever…"_

_They stared at each other, remembering the experiences they had shared…Kagura started undoing the scarf which was tied on her neck, but he stopped her from doing so._

"_You're making it sound like we're never meeting again… Keep it for now—I'll get it back tomorrow morning."_

_She smiled, and finally, she took out the thing which was contained in her pocket._

_"Oh yeah, here's your cigarette…" She handed it to him, but he held her hand…and slowly guided it back to her pocket._

_"You keep it too..."_

_"I don't smoke—" She stated, but he smiled for the umpteenth time this day._

_"Then don't throw it away. That cigarette, will be the last one I will ever smoke in my life; please keep it, as a reminder of this day... As a reminder of our meeting." He broke away, and turned back, but Kagura pulled him before he started walking away. He turned his body to face her, and she placed both arms on his neck._

_"Then I'll let you have this, to remind you of the promise you made… And to tell you that I'm always here, to give you the light that you yearn for… the warmth which you had lost, and the hope which you which to cling onto… Something a mere cigarette cannot give. Natsu, I'll always be here, so please—don't ever be sad again."_

…_It was something he would never be able to forget. The softness and warmth which came when their lips met was something unexplainable, something he would never be able to comprehend… It was something he had never experienced, and something he wished would last forever…_

_When she pulled away, the lack of air stopping their simple kiss, he pulled her back and placed another one…but this one was quick, and it conveyed everything he wanted to say to her…and everything she needed to say to him…_

"_Happy Valentine's Day, Natsu..." She whispered, tears of joy cascading down her beautiful face._

"_Goodnight, Kagura..."_

…

—_Back to where we were—_

…

"Ever since you started seeing each other, you've been inseparable."

Natsu rolled his eyes at the statement, but he didn't deny her claim. He simply sat there as he had been, lamenting over the events which followed after that night. He was so deep in his thoughts, that he didn't even notice someone else sitting beside him.

"Don't bother him, Lucy…He's in _that_ stage after all." He turned to look at the newcomer, but turned his head against the wooden furniture once more after taking in the person's features.

It was Erza Scarlet, armor clad as always. She placed a slice of _delicious_ strawberry shortcake in front her; her eyes sparkling in a very obsessive and possessive manner. With her hands twitching from the prospect of cutting the spongy cake with her fork and driving it down her throat, the avid cake-maniac wiped away the drool in the corners of her mouth, straightened up…looked around to see if someone saw her in her delirious state, and made it look as if nothing happened. She cautiously peered at the bored pinkette, her face full of worry…but _her_ cake was in front of her.

If push comes to shove, and she would have to choose between her best friend and her favorite food, the winner was clear—

_Strawberry shortcake._

While the _Titania_ indulged herself in her desires, someone took the seat opposite the Fire Mage. His presence went undetected; it was as sudden as his clothes vanishing into oblivion…but the gathered members eventually realized his existence when he stated these words—

"Must be nice having someone who loves you." Gray Fullbuster muttered out of the blue. The blond nearly had a heart attack when he suddenly appeared—naked of all times, out of nowhere. Happy was flying in circles—cuz he had nothing else to do. Erza merely gave the Ice Mage a brief nod before she returned to her beloved cake, and Natsu—

"What are you talking about? Don't you have someone too?" He gestured towards a certain blue haired girl—who was making her way to their table with a face twisted from love and obsession. Seeing this, the naked Gray ducked below and made his way to Lucy's skirt in a futile attempt to conceal himself.

"Shit! She's here again! She keeps making me these fucking scarves; it's fucking April—" He didn't finish he statement, because—

"PERVERT!"

**WHAAAAAAAM!**

A split second later, Gray was now sporting a very visible slap mark on his left cheek. Lucy had turned beet red from the seemingly sexual motive, and Happy was still flying in circles. Erza was still eating her cake, and Natsu was still bored.

"So what? Scarves are pretty cool!" Natsu drawled on, pointing at his own.

"I told you—It's fucking April! It's way too hot for that, you idiot!" Gray countered, earning his annoyance.

"Of course it is! That's the point in scarves—they keep you warm!" He lectured, but—

"Wanna go, pea brain?!"

"After you, you stripping, perverted coward—"

"Who's the stripping, perverted coward?! I was already naked when I arrived here!"

"So what?! You're still a pervert who hides under girl's skirts just cuz an obsessive girl is after your naked hide!"

"That's it, I'm killing you Natsu!"

It was inevitable… After the very disturbing verbal fight, they started settling the score with their fists. Shouts and noises reverberated everywhere, as the sound of cheering and insults drowned everything. They settled it there and then, forgetting the flying cat, the dumbfounded blonde, and scarlet-haired girl who—was still eating her cake.

"Aren't you going to stop them?" Lucy asked the _Titania_, but she merely shook her head and continued forking another piece of her delicious snack.

"They're big enough—I'll do it if it gets out of ha—"

**BAAAAAAAAAANG!**

**SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!**

When Gray's body landed on the table, it broke into pieces…with Erza's cake. Realizing too late, Gray pointed a finger at Natsu.

"H-He d-did it!" But Erza Scarlet didn't hear his whimpering voice.

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAATSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY?!"

.

.

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_You know what happened._

…Okay, so it was a normal day in Fairy Tail: Natsu and Gray were fighting, Erza beat them up for doing so, everyone else was making noises… and soon, the whole guild was on a riot. But I'm telling you, everything went wrong the moment Natsu Dragneel uttered those words. You know why? You wanna know why?!

Unbeknownst to them, a silver-haired maiden had been watching the incident from the very start…and with a glint in the eye, the devious female smiled mischievously…

…

—_Thirty-one minutes, sixteen seconds and fifty-eight milliseconds later—_

…

After she was done beating up the two troublemakers, Erza Scarlet dumped their lifeless bodies on empty chairs. It would be an understatement to say that they only received a few bruises and bumps from the punishment (which they deserved by the way. Ruining Erza's _cake_ is a _very_ grave offence after all)—so to cut it short, let's go with _bloodied-wide-eyed-mouth-hanging-soul-coming-out_ type of hurt, you get the picture.

When the two rivals finally came to; their spirits having entered their bodies once more, they didn't expect the armor mage to start smiling all of a sudden.

"What's so funny?" Gray asked after shaking his head a few times—the concussion from Erza's last blow was still giving him funny effects, and the pinkette wasn't doing any better.

"Yeah, what's so funny, you sadist?" Natsu muttered after the three Erza's he was seeing finally merged into one. He quickly took back his words after the latter leaned closer and widened her smile…in a very disturbing manner.

"Oh, want me to rip you a new one?"

The two idiots swallowed the accumulated saliva in their dry mouths (to make it short, they both gulped) at the same time, and the almost-forgotten blond sighed to show that she was still there.

Happy was still flying in circles, by the way.

"It's been a while since we hung out with each other." Lucy stated with a knowing smile. The Requip mage nodded in agreement, and hearing this, Gray actually grinned in the direction of the Fire Mage. Natsu looked at his teammates quizzically. Lucy and Erza's smiles were weird enough, but Gray's was simply unnerving. When Happy started smiling with the three, he knew something was going on.

Finally, he caught on…

But his smile was a sad one.

"I'm sorry guys…I know I haven't been able to spend some time with you and everyone…cuz I've been busy with things." He muttered sheepishly.

"What things exactly?" Though she knew what was going on, Erza couldn't help teasing the adorable Dragonslayer.

Natsu shook his head before replying—

"…Kagura." To this, the Celestial mage stood up; sparkles in her eyes.

"Are you guys finally together?!" They were waiting for his answer with bated breath, but he simply waved his hand to dismiss the matter.

He sighed for the fourth (it's fourth, right?) time since the story began.

"…We're just friends…close friends that's all. She says she wants to start from scratch and get to know me better… and I'm still confused over this relationship thing." He confessed, half-knowing what he just said…the other half—I dunno.

His three friends felt sweat trickle down their faces, and Happy the cat started flying in circles once more.

.

"My, how mature." Erza stated after some time, but the blonde wanted _details_.

"So, how far have you gone exactly?" Lucy teased, and Natsu shook his head at their sudden interest.

...Let's spare Natsu the shame, and move on—shall we?

…

—_twenty-three minutes later—_

…

Those twenty-three minutes of continuous interrogation prompted him to rethink his current state. Now, not only was he bored, he was _horribly_ pissed. The blonde had been an annoyance, the brunette—a total pest, and the redhead…he was too scared to even put the extremely vexing feeling she had brought on him, and decided to dub her as a mere _inconvenience_. His partner Happy had betrayed him by leaving him on his own to answer their questions; something which only increased the tension he was feeling.

The short time skip showed our hero making his way towards the guild doors, his mind set on erasing the plaguing thoughts in his head, and vanquishing the boredom which had wormed its way into the depths of his very bored soul.

"Guess I'll train to kill time." He voiced out with another sigh (which makes it our fifth), forcing his feet to trudge the floor which led to the exit, and inevitably—to freedom. As soon as he reached the door, our story reached its turning point.

This is the part, where the consequence of relinquishing those two words showed itself—in a person named Mirajane.

"Natsu, Natsu~" She waved at the confused male; a tray of used glasses on one hand, a rug on the other, and a smile which drew him to get closer, on her face. As soon as he did so, the bubbly barmaid deposited her things in the counter and dragged him to the back.

"What's up? You don't usually call me unless you have a favor to ask." He immediately asked, taking note of the secrecy of their conversation… but shrugging it off anyway, seeing as he didn't really care.

The beautiful female giggled, before saying—

"I heard you're bored."

"Hmm?" His interest was piqued, and his reply encouraged her to continue. She looked around for any eavesdroppers, and having found none—leaned closer to whisper words _so_ _sweet_, Natsu could've sworn his brain had imploded.

"…Wanna play a prank on everybody?"

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.

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A look at what was going on in the Dragonslayer's (puny) mind:

Natsu + prank = fun.

Since fun = no boredom; therefore,

Natsu + prank = no boredom!

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.

.

After his mind did the math, he grasped the female's shoulders; his eyes sparkling and his head nodding every now and then—as if he drank too much cola or something.

"I'm in! I'm in! I'm in! So, So, So, WHAT are we gonna DO?" Natsu nearly yelled due to excitement, and Mira had to cover his mouth in order to drown the now-enthusiastic male's noises.

The cunning barmaid leaned even closer, and whispered her master plan.

…

—_Twenty minutes, three seconds and twenty-three milliseconds later—_

_(Strauss Household)_

…

"What the hell?!" The reflection on the tall mirror came from a dressed Natsu—a formally dressed Natsu. A black long-sleeved shirt tucked inside similarly colored jeans, black dress shoes plus a red necktie—he looked like he was going on a business trip. His right eye twitched as soon as he registered what he was seeing, and he immediately undid the necktie, pulled up his shirt and took off two of the top buttons. He rolled his sleeves up and ruffled his hair to make it look messy, in an effort to look less formal.

He glanced at his reflection once more, and saw his shoes—they were a dead giveaway.

"Mira, can you change my shoes?" He turned around and saw said girl applying makeup on her face. When she caught sight of his attire, the pretty barmaid closed her makeup kit and went over to inspect him once more.

Natsu didn't expect her to pull his ear though.

"Ye—ow! What the—"

"I've been trying to make you look _perfect_ for the last ten minutes, and you just destroyed everything!" She scolded, before summoning a comb out of nowhere and proceeding to slick back his spiky locks. He dodged her attempts twice, retorting—

"Is this really necessary? My clothes were already okay—" He reasoned, but she'd have none of it. Mira pulled the Fire mage's collar and closed the two buttons he had undone.

"You promised you'd follow the plan." She countered, and it took him an entire minute to respond.

"But—"

"You want them to fall for it, or not?" The barmaid asked for confirmation, and he inevitably gave in. Mira was giving him a stern look, and he complied in fear of her summoning Satan Soul to settle things.

"Fine, but at least change my shoes."

…

—_Another Twenty minutes later—_

_(Strauss Household)_

…

Natsu stood outside, waiting for his companion—and no, he didn't get a trade for his shoes. Mira decided to let him keep his unruly look together with his scarf as compensation though, but he wasn't pleased at all. As the infamous _Salamander_ impatiently tapped his foot on the paved ground, the door swung open and his breath was taken by the sight.

The black cocktail she had on was embroidered with magnificent floral designs, and it was completed by the necessary amount of frills and laces which ran through the dress. Her wavy hair had been straightened—the ponytail which she usually had in front had been undone and parted into two neat bangs which framed her pretty face. The rest of her now silky smooth hair was falling freely on her back, and he didn't bother asking how or why she did it…cuz it fitted her so perfectly, he didn't have time to care. Black, high-heeled sandals were worn on her feet, but she only gained two inches of extra height from it. A pearl necklace was hung on her neck, and a pair of diamond earrings dangled on her earlobes. Her makeup was done perfectly—it was just the right amount, and it brought out the female's beauty even further.

"M-Mira?" He asked for confirmation, and she smiled in reply.

Now, he totally felt like _crap_ standing next to her. Mirajane Strauss was regarded as one of the most beautiful women in Fairy Tail, no—even in the wizarding world, and he was a fool to take that matter lightly. Until two seconds ago, he only saw Mira as the generic cute girl—after all; every girl was the same to him. It didn't matter what they wore or looked like at all; to Natsu, a girl was a girl—nothing more, nothing less.

But now, his mouth was simply gaping open at the beauty of _goddess_ in front of him.

"Jewel for your thoughts?" She asked after closing her purse, and the door with it. Natsu was still too absorbed at the splendor of her entire presence, that his though processes had been shut down from the inside.

"Uh—what? Ah, sorry…I was thinking that we matched or something." He pointed out dumbly, and she twirled once to show him her entire dress.

"How is it?"

"You're _so_ beautiful, I look like total shit." Natsu admitted, but she simply went closer and pinched his nose to bring him back.

"Oh, don't say that Natsu—you're not looking too shabby yourself." Mira chided, but…Natsu was sure she was just saying that to make him feel better. Her ethereal glow was too otherworldly even for him.

"Let's go, but let's stop by the guild for a sec." Without saying anything, Mira grabbed the pinkette's hand.

"M-Mira?" He was too surprised at the act, that he took back his own as soon as she made contact. Seeing this, the female pouted ever so cutely.

"What? It's a date, so naturally we should be holding hands! Is something wrong?"

"Umm, I think I'm gonna die if I hold hands with you." He replied…and Mira started tearing up. She covered her eyes and did some convincing acting in order to fool the (stupid) Dragonslayer.

"You think I've got some disease? You're so mean, Natsu…" Confused, but guilty…he went over to comfort her.

"W-Wha—Wait! Let me rephrase that: I think someone's gonna kill me if I hold hands with you." After hearing this, Mira took his hand again and started dragging him around despite his protests.

"Don't worry~ I'll protect you."

He could only scratch his head, and pray that his intuition was wrong.

…

—_At the same time—_

_(Somewhere in Crocus)_

…

"Here's your reward." Kagura Mikazuchi stuck out her hand to receive the bag of jewels which a plump man had given. She nodded once to show her appreciation at the transaction, but suddenly—

"W-W-What's w-w-wrong?!" Her client raised both arms in the air, his eyes and mouth both wide due to fear…because she had pointed her dangerous sword—_Archenemy_, on the man himself.

However, her vague words didn't explain the mystery of her action.

"…I think there's going to be blood today."

…

—_Seven minutes, twenty seconds and twenty-nine milliseconds later—_

_(Fairy Tail HQ)_

…

When the guild doors flew open, and the unusually dressed Natsu Dragneel walked in…the mages of Fairy Tail could've sworn that the world was ending.

_Though their guess wasn't really that far off._

The effect was instantaneous; Droy choked on the mutton's leg he had been eating, Jet choked on his kidney pie, Cana choked on her beer, Wakaba choked on his cigarette, Gajeel choked on his iron(ic) snack and Erza _nearly_ choked on her cake. Elfman's right eye was twitching, Lucy's lip was quivering, Gray wrinkled his nose before taking a look at his naked being, Happy was still flying around, but his eyes were glued at his foster parent. The noises died down, the fights ended…and soon, silence reigned in the chaotic guild hall.

Laxus' laugh signaled the return of normality, as everyone laughed with him.

"Natsu—what the heck is up with your clothes?"

"Are your duds in the laundry?"

"Look at his shoes!"

"You gonna dance, or what?!"

"Don't you smell rather nice—"

They asked, suppressing their chuckles, but he shrugged them off. He continued walking normally until he reached the bar, where an impressed Wendy and a blushing Lisanna were currently at.

"Hey Lisanna, Mira asked me to tell you that you're in charge." He explained to the youngest Strauss, who was finding the floor suddenly interesting.

"H-Huh—I mean, sure. If _nee-chan_ says so, then f-fine. Where is she by the way—" She tried asking, but Lucy inquired about more pressing matters.

"No, more importantly—what's up with you? You look like you're going on a date or something." Hearing this, he simply shrugged and made his way back. But they'd have none of it. He felt someone grab his arm—it was Erza, and her look told him that she demanded answers. Everybody surrounded him, and he inevitably sighed (the sixth) to show his exasperation.

Luckily, someone made her way to the crowd in order to spare him the questions.

"Natsu, are you finished?" When the inquisitors turned around to look at the newcomer, Natsu saw their mouths dropping to the floor and their eyeballs popping out. Like him, they too had been blinded and dumbfounded by the mere presence of the beauty named Mirajane.

.

.

.

On everyone's minds:

Given:

Natsu + formal clothes = date

Mira + formal clothes = date

Then Natsu + Formal clothes = Mira + Formal clothes!

Therefore, Natsu and Mira are going on a date!

.

Conclusion—Natsu's gonna die.

.

.

.

"No way."

"Natsu and Mira?" They started as Mira stood beside the pinkette. Said pinkette wrinkled his nose and spat out—

"What's wrong with that? We're just hanging out—" But it was Mira who cemented what they were doing.

"It's a date!" She exclaimed, prompting the listeners to faint…and the redhead to think—

"_You're so dead, Natsu."_

_._

_._

_._

Then, the questions arose.

"When?! _Nee-chan_—when did you guys start—" Elfman asked with a teary Lisanna behind him.

"But Natsu, I thought Kagura and you were—" Lucy inquired before the first question was answered, and finally—the pretty barmaid declared in a soft, yet firm voice.

"Natsu and Kagura are _not_ in a relationship…because he's _my_ boyfriend after all." She grabbed Natsu's arm as if to prove her point.

"WHAT?!"

"Since when?!"

"How?!"

"Why?!"

"He's an idiot!" Someone muttered, and a tick mark appeared on the Dragonslayer's forehead.

"Hey—" But before he could lash out, Mira pulled him back.

"It seems none of you know Natsu that well…even you guys huh? I thought he told _you_ already." She gestured to Natsu's teammates and close friends, who were rather bewildered at the sudden revelation.

"Let me make this clear—Natsu is _mine_." The she-demon declared sternly, and after that—started dragging her date away.

.

.

.

As soon as they are out of earshot—

"Man, did you see the look in their faces? They really believed it!" Natsu stated excitedly; the prospect of fooling everyone—especially the _Titania_ was making his blood run. He expected his date to agree, but he got another pull on the ear instead.

"You nearly gave away our plan. I told you to say the exact lines—"

"Eh? Those cliché lines are so hard to memorize, so I improvised!"

Mira shook her head at the idea, and thought—

"_Now, will they take the bait?"_

…

—_Eleven minutes, thirty-four seconds a millisecond later—_

_(Somewhere in Magnolia)_

…

"Mira, people are looking at us weirdly."

It was a hot, sunny day…and his extremely dark clothes were making things worse. While his constitution as a Fire Mage made him immune to anything warm, hot, burning, and downright infernal _you'll-be-turned-to-ashes_ things, he wasn't immune to one thing—sweat. As he wiped out the stray bead of perspiration on his face, he took notice of the unusual amount of attention they were garnering while traversing the crowded streets.

He looked to the left, and found a group of friends whispering towards their direction. He looked to the right, and found three guys in afros looking back at them with very perverted faces. He looked above, and could've sworn that a guy had suddenly appeared with on a glider and fixing his shady face on them. He looked back, and noticed a few girls giggling after their eyes met.

"_Hey, that's the Salamander right?"_

"_He's hot." _

He heard them whisper, and he rolled his eyes after turning his head back.

"_Well duh, I'm a fire mage!" _

"I'm sure they're just thinking at how perfect we look together." Mira's voice snapped him back to reality, and he turned his head towards her. His bewildered look told the barmaid that he hadn't understood her point, so she flashed him a look complete with a bewitching smile, which he took as—

"_It's fine Natsu. You're stupid, but it's perfectly fine."_ Normally, he'd be pissed if someone teased him, but this _was_ Mira…and he knew that Mira was as scary as Erza. Though deceptively cute and fragile on the outside, he knew that inside—a demon known as Satan soul lingered, so he'd rather have her tease him endlessly than earn her ire. While he contemplated at the sudden thought, the silver-haired female was looking around, trying to see if anyone from their guild had followed them.

.

.

.

They continued walking, and soon…Natsu was once again bored out of his mind. Sure, he loved the thought of playing pranks on people, but right now—they weren't progressing with the plan at all. They needed to confirm if their friends were watching them at all if they wanted the _Ultimate Prank_ to be a success. His shirt was getting drenched from the inside, and his hand—the one Mira was holding, was dripping with sweat. He was surprised that the female was still holding onto it though.

With nothing else on his mind, he decided to eavesdrop on conversations using his inhuman hearing.

"_Hey, check it out! I bought this nifty watch from that rather shady and suspicious guy for only a hundred jewels."_

"_Lemme see! W-Wait, what?! He sold it to me for two hundred jewels!"_

Mira turned to him when she heard him snicker.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." He quickly replied, and continued his eavesdropping.

"_T-T-That's Mirajane of Fairy Tail! W-Whoa! I nearly didn't recognize her!"_

"_She's….BEAUTIFUL! Uh—who's the guy beside him? It's not her boyfriend, is it?"_

"…_Isn't that the Salamander?"_

"_You mean, the guy who hoards all the lovely ladies for himself? I heard he only goes after girls with big tits…(Erza, Lucy, Kagura…etc.)"_

"_Nah, he supposedly has a thing for little girls too… (Wendy)"_

"_I think I heard a rumor that he even attracts guys! (Sting)"_

"Who the hell said that—" He suddenly yelled, scaring the nearby people.

"Natsu, calm down."

"They're saying bad rumors about me—" He pointed out, but—

"Behave, or _else_." Mira muttered darkly, and he stopped fighting.

…And so, back to eavesdropping. He searched for the same voices, and found them in a split second.

"_Why is Mira-chan with the Salamander?!"_

"_Noooooo…why are they being lovey-dovey and everything…?"_

"Who's being lovey-dovey, you bastards?! We're not even doing anything yet!" He shouted at the owners, and they scurried away so quickly…it would make Jet proud, or something.

His ear was held hostage, however.

"Natsu, behave yourself…you're attracting unwanted attention." Mira stated, holding onto his already _damaged_ ear; her face tracing a _very_ stern look.

"B-But isn't this part of our plan?" He whispered in order to get away from the situation, and she finally let him go.

"Not yet…" Mirajane stopped moving and focused in order to heighten her sensing skills. After a few moments, she opened her eyes to a relatively worried Natsu.

"That's weird; I thought they'd be eavesdropping on us by now. Can you smell them?" The Dragonslayer started sniffing around (puppy!), but he shook his head after some time.

"Nah, I get a strong scent of coffee though." The pretty barmaid released a small sigh, and resumed her walking with the Dragonslayer in tow.

"They're hiding pretty well."

…

—_At the same time—_

_(Somewhere else…in Magnolia)_

…

A gust of wind blew across the town, scattering the coffee powder she had thrown into the skies. The small girl danced with it, and the breeze mimicked her every movement. Soon, she could smell the potency of the coffee beans everywhere; masking the scent of those she could recognize…and sparing her the smell of those who hadn't had baths yet.

"This should do it." Wendy Marvell sat down after nearly having spent her magic power. She had been requested…or rather, _coerced_ to scatter the "fragrance" of her allies in order to hide them from the Fire Dragonslayer's super sensitive nose. Truthfully, she'd have taken no part in their _investigation_ on the duo, but seeing as Erza had pointed her sword to those who wished to skip the _guild activity_ (The master had approved of it, by the way), she had no choice whatsoever.

"Please stay alive, Natsu-san." Despite saying this, she doubted her words…

…

—_At the same time—_

_(Somewhere different… in Magnolia)_

…

"Looks like Wendy managed to do her job."

Erza Scarlet, Lucy Heartfilia and Gray Fullbuster were situated uphill; earning them a view of the entire town and its citizens. The armored mage had with her a pair of magic binoculars, peering through them in order to monitor the duo's suspicious actions. The blond was looking over a map, a list of notes with lots of neat scribbles, and the latest issue of the Monthly Sorcerer's mag. Gray…was Gray—buck naked as usual, and as soon as he noticed; he started searching for his clothes frantically. He was in charge of monitoring everyone's movements via magic lacrima, and since it worked two-way, everyone could see his naked form.

"…But really, they _really_ do look like they're on a date. They're holding hands and everything." Lucy muttered out of the blue, and the brunette exclaimed his disbelief on the matter.

"Why the hell does Natsu know how to date?!"

The three looked at the magic lacrima, which was currently showing the two heading over to somewhere they knew not. It was rather surprising to see Natsu act naturally; holding hands, matching his pace to Mira's, stopping whenever his date wanted to look at something…and other stuff without even acting nervous or embarrassed. Only three things came to mind:

—Natsu was an idiot, but he was pretty experienced when it came to dealing with girls (which they found hard to believe)

—Natsu was an idiot, so he doesn't know how to be embarrassed or nervous; he just goes with the flow with Mira in the lead.

—Natsu was an idiot…an idiot who, despite knowing how to do things…doesn't understand what he's doing at all.

.

.

.

Okay, enough about "Natsu was an idiot"

"I wonder how Kagura would react when she finds out." Erza muttered, still engrossed at the panoramic view in front of her. She was no longer searching the town; with the use of her binoculars, she was staring at a bakery's window with cakes on display.

"Lisanna took it pretty hard though." Lucy replied, remembering the youngest Strauss' reaction to the sudden revelation of her love interest's and her sister's secret racket. The Requip mage was going to continue the conversation, until a telepathic voice emerged in her mind.

"_Erza, come in. Erza, come in."_

"_Acknowledged. What is it, Warren?" _She replied in her head, and could almost see Warren nodding back.

"_Max and Bickslow spotted friendlies at the park. The Trimens plus some Lamia Scale members have suddenly appeared at the guild, and wish to assist us in this operation. They are eager to know if the news is legit or not."_

"_What? How—no, why?!" _She wondered; there was absolutely no reason why other guilds would get involved in their case, and no—it's not as if she minded _them_ at _all_ (*coughs* Ichiya *coughs*), but it was just so…plain weird.

"_I dunno…It was as if someone placed them there in order to have fun or something."_

She looked above, glaring hard at the big, blue sky.

.

.

.

Hmm? Is she looking at me or something?

_***Sighs***_

_What? _

"You're not plotting anything, are you?" Ah, she was glaring at me after all…

_Hey, don't look at me like that…I'm just the narrator._

"But aren't you the writer too?" She countered sharply, but—

…_Point taken, but do you really have time for that? __***smirks smugly***_

.

.

.

She shook her head and forced herself to think at the matter at hand.

"_You said Trimens, didn't you?" _

…

—_Ten minutes later—_

_(Back with Natsu and Mira)_

…

"Mira, I gotta go." Mirajane Strauss raised her eyebrows as soon as they came to a stop. She was going to ask what was wrong, but Natsu's mouth quivered, as he gestured below him. Not taking the hint, she raised her eyebrows again…until he pointed towards his crotch.

Not knowing how to react, the barmaid simply sighed, before saying—

"Be quick, alright?"

.

.

.

Natsu was gone in a flash.

…

— _ten seconds later—_

_(With Mira)_

…

It hadn't even been ten seconds (***looks above***)…Okay, it had, but point is—Mira suddenly found herself surrounded by four _very_ familiar guys. Sure, they were familiar—not to mention _handsome_, but that didn't mean that she liked their company, after all…

"_Not these guys…why does it have to be these guys?"_

"My, My—What a coincidence! This is truly a coincidence, right Eve?" A tall guy with blonde hair gestured to his shorter friend, who simply nodded.

"You got that right Hibiki…right Ren?" The shorter friend in turn, gestured towards a tanned friend.

"Fancy meeting you here Mirajane, but it's an entire coincidence…right Ichiya-sama?" Now the tanned friend gestured to the oldest (and…ugliest?) _friend_ of the group. Said guy spun once…twice….thrice, before landing on his feet and performing a (***rolls eyes***) _cool_ pose.

"MEN! It is a coincidence."

The _Trimens_…Three deceptively handsome men, and their…less handsome boss, had arrived on the scene. Hibiki moved closer, but she was quick—she stepped back quickly, dodging Ren's attempts to grab her, swatting Eve's tray of snacks (don't ask me where he got it), and looking away in order to shield her eyes from…Ichiya's mere presence.

"Besides—It's not like my darling, Erza told us to come here or anything!" The latter muttered suddenly, and Mira felt _very _sorry for the woman in question.

"_Natsu, come back already."_

…

—_another ten seconds and two milliseconds later—_

_(Somewhere near)_

…

"AAAARGH! He ruined the damned plan! I'm gonna kill him—" Seething with anger, Erza Scarlet was being held back by her two colleagues. She was…extremely angry at the Trimens' team leader for bringing up _her_ name into the conversation, and therefore—letting slip that she was behind everything.

"T-That Ichiya's pretty damn useless if you ask me." Gray muttered while she struggled to set herself free. It was hard, but finally…she finally calmed down. She was Erza for crying out loud—she could dispose of Ichiya later.

"They're talking with Mirajane. I wonder if they're gathering clues about the investigation?" The Celestial Mage mumbled after looking over the viewing lacrima.

"_Erza, come in—"_ Startled by the sudden voice, Erza took a second to compose herself, before acknowledging the report.

"_What is it?!"_

"_The Exceed team has reported that Natsu's making his way back!"_

"_Everyone—proceed to plan B61!"_

…

—_Three minutes, eighteen seconds and twenty-five milliseconds later—_

_(Back with Mirajane and the Trimens)_

…

Natsu arrived at the scene, and as soon as he did—

"Natsu!" Mira ran straight into his arms, and he caught her with little effort.

"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly, and the devious female feinted a sob, before pointing to the four men—

"They're _hitting on_ me."

.

.

.

As expected, the pinkette became angry, and he rushed over to the four. As soon as he arrived, the _Trimens_, save for Ichiya, closed in and surrounded him.

"Aah, Natsu-kun! Is it true that you're going out with the lovely Mirajane?" Hibiki politely… glared at him. Eve pointed an accusing finger at his unmoving form, declaring—

"Haven't you had enough, you incubus?! You keep on snagging girls as if their some daily _bento_! Women are not action figures to be collected!"

Hearing this, Mira's jaw dropped…because of the irony in his words. While she thought it over, Ren too made his speech.

"First it was Kagura Mikazuchi, and now—It's Mirajane Strauss! It's one beautiful _mademoiselle_ after another! Who's next on your list, huh Salamander?! Erza Scarlet—"

"…ou…it h…er" Natsu mumbled, and they moved closer to hear him out.

"What was that?!"

"WHY THE HELL WERE YOU _HITTING_ MIRAJANE?!" He suddenly punches Eve—whose body was lodged in a nearby building. On the other hand, Mira covered her mouth; amused at the misunderstanding.

"EXCUSE US?!" The blonde and the brunette shouted, wide-eyed at the sudden assault on their teammate…but it didn't stop there.

"Don't play dumb—" His fist met Ren's cheek, and the latter flew all the way to the opposite side of town. Hibiki fell on his ass and tried to scurry away, but Natsu was already onto him.

"No—violence is bad." The Archive user waved his arms to show surrender, but—

"You hit Mira!" Natsu punted him, and his faraway form disappeared in the sky.

Natsu turned to the only remaining member.

"N-Natsu-kun? It's a misunderstanding; they were only _hitting_ _on_ Mira—" Ichiya tried to explain, but Natsu—

"That's what I keep telling you! You guys were hitting Mira!" When he opened his mouth, flames had gathered inside…and Ichiya could see _hell_ incarnate in front of his eyes.

"_**FIRE DRAGON'S ROAR!"**_

…

—_Fifty-nine seconds and sixty milliseconds later—_

_(In the same area)_

…

"Natsu!" Mirajane rushed over to Natsu. A few buildings had exploded due to his last attack, and the burnt body of Ichiya Vandalay Kotobuki stood at the epicenter of the destruction. Several people had gathered due to the carnage, and all of them knew too well who the cause of it was.

"I took care of them." Natsu stated with a wry smile, and Mira took a second to decide her new course of action.

"_Should I tell him about the misunderstanding?"_ She thought, but upon seeing Natsu looking at her with genuine concern—

"…_Nah. What he doesn't know won't kill him."_

She grabbed his arm instead, and started dragging him again.

"Let's go! I wanna go to the rides~"

…

—_one minute and seven seconds later—_

_(Somewhere else… in Magnolia)_

…

"_He…beat them up?! Why?!"_ Erza asked impatiently, and Warren's disembodied voice appeared in her thoughts—

"_I'll patch you up to Laxus and Gajeel, who was assigned on the area—"_

"_BWAHAHAHAHA! What the hell is wrong with that kid?! HAHAHA, I can't stop laughing!"_ What she heard next were two men engaged in a laughing fit; their booming voices echoing deep inside her mind and nearly deafening her.

"_Laxus—"_

"_He said they hit her! Can you believe it?! He's a real idiot, that one!"_

To this, she merely brought a gauntlet-covered palm to her face (must've hurt though), and dragged it down to express her feelings.

"_Charle, Lily, Happy—find out where they're headed to." _She ordered via telepathy.

…

—_At the same time—_

_(Magnolia gate)_

…

"Magnolia, Magnolia…Time to have my vengeance."

One, two, three, four…five, six…six and a half…seven! Seven figures (two cats are worth half a person) emerged from the shade, and as the light rained down to expose them, a tall woman with…big ti—no; weird makeup, hairstyle and a rather fashionable dress came up front to inspect the town they had landed in.

"Minerva~ did you really come back to the guild just for this?" Sting Eucliffe regarded the woman, annoyed at her sudden interest for someone in the vicinity. Behind him, his guildmates nodded their heads due to the rather questionable motive she had brought up.

"Yeah, you're being ridiculous. Besides, Fairy Tail's our ally now." Rogue Cheney affirmed his partner's statement, but he was quite happy nonetheless—now he had a reason to visit his idol (Gajeel the iron(ic) man)!

Displeased at the reaction, she retorted sharply—

"Naïve! All of you have become soft because of that guild…but specifically—_that_ man."

After that, she lavishly licked her lips in a very (***shivers***) seductive manner, before saying—

"Natsu Dragneel…my, my—what will I ever do with you?"

…

—_one hour, eleven minutes, and seventeen seconds later—_

_(Back with Mirajane and Natsu)_

…

"Are you sure about this Natsu?" Mira asked for confirmation, as Natsu Dragneel stood petrified at the gigantic, metallic, spinning _monster _in front of them. The duo were standing in front of a tall Ferris Wheel, and when the silver-haired maiden tried to ask again…the scared pinkette swallowed hard and tried to regain his resolve.

"Y-You said y-you wanted to ride it…. B-Besides, one ride won't k-k-kill me Mira." The pretty barmaid could only giggle at his adorable way of trying to act tough. Seeing this, the Dragonslayer mustered what was left of his wavering courage.

"Y-You s-s-scared?" He tried to sound confident, but what came out was a mere whimper. Natsu composed himself and tried again…but the she-demon suddenly became stern.

"Oh?"

…

—_ten seconds later—_

_(In Ferris Wheel)_

…

"Kill me…" A green faced, nausea affected, extremely weak and pitiful Natsu was wailing inside the moving carriage while he clutched his stomach. Sitting in front of him was his supposed date, who was trying to suppress her laughter, but to no avail.

"Not so tough now, huh Natsu?" She teased, but soon stopped when she saw the pinkette nearly puking.

"That's not funn—guhg…kagh, oh no—" After a heavy sigh, Mira moved over and sat beside him. She grabbed his head and forced him to lie on her lap.

"Want me to make it feel better?" He immediately nodded, and she gently placed her hand on his stomach. A faint light erupted after contact was made, and when the light vanished—

"How is it?" His face was no longer green, and he was no longer clutching his stomach.

"…Agh, the ache's gone… but I'm still getting dizzy…Am I gonna die?" Natsu asked childishly, earning another giggle from her. She moved her hand towards his head, and started stroking his hair.

"How about this then?"

.

"…Is that magic?" He asked stupidly, seeing as the pain slightly went away. She shook her head when he turned to look at her, and started humming a familiar tune.

"You know, you always try to act tough, even when you're facing impossible things… Why do you do it, even though you know you can't? What do you want to prove?" Mira asked after some time, and she honestly thought he'd answer her stupidly…

.

.

.

"That I can beat the impossible, and protect everyone no matter what."

…Well, it wasn't _that_ stupid an answer, but it still sounded stupid though.

But that didn't mean that she disliked it at all. When she turned her head to the wonderful view outside, Natsu sighed (for the seventh time!) and drawled on—

"…Are they really gonna fall for this prank? I'm starting to doubt it." But she simply continued humming and stroking his spiky locks, until she eventually answered him mysteriously.

"Oh, don't worry…They are falling for it." Mira replied, taking note of the three flying figures she could see in the corner of her eyes.

…

—_(three hundred * two) seconds later—_

_(In a haunted house attraction)_

…

"Kyaaaaah!" Mira's screams pierced the silence of the dim room, and she immediately jumped towards the unimpressed Dragonslayer's arms due to the sudden fright. The embrace having been so sudden, Natsu actually blushed for a change, but the darkness obscured the light tinge on his cheek from wary eyes.

"It's just a costume, Mira." He deadpanned, but the frightened female shook her head countless times.

"It was still scary!"

"I think you in Satan Soul is scarier—ow!" A pouting Mira had punched him on the head, and the force behind it nearly knocked him down. He nursed his new bump after regaining his balance, and the silver-haired female finally stood on her own two legs after some time.

"You're so mean…I'm still a weak, fragile girl you know?" She stated cutely, and they resumed their trek into the darkness; Mira behind Natsu—who was using his flames to light the way.

Soon—

"GRA—" A tombstone on the left suddenly opens up, but before the monster could pop up—

"**FIRE DRAGON'S IRON FIST!"**

**BOOOOOOM! **

The entire building shook, and a new visible hole appeared from where the tombstone should've been.

"Why did you hit him?!" Mira scolded the impatient Dragonslayer—who was wearing a very displeased look on his face.

"Well, I didn't want him to scare you, so I beat him up before he could." He reasoned…and she smiled at the genuine concern.

As they continued, Natsu notes that the darkness is making it hard to see things…

…

—_at the same time—_

_(Somewhere in the attraction)_

…

"Hey, Nab. This is your first job, right?"

"That's right, and I'm gonna give my best!"

Two Fairy Tail mages were incidentally inside the attraction's employee's room. Nab Lasaro and Vjeeter Ecor were both dressed in Halloween themed costumes—the former, a green hulking thing with bolts on his head, and stitches across and all over his body…and the latter, a gigantic brown worm which looked rather revolting than scary. While the two mages discussed the details of their job, the client suddenly came in and yelled at the duo using a large _magical_ megaphone.

"Frankenstein and Worm, you're up!" Nab nods in understanding, but Vjeeter raised his hand for an inquiry.

"Excuse me, but why do I have to be a worm? A worm's not scary at all." He asked as politely as he could, and the boss came up with the most convincing answer he could…come up with.

"We need to put that Dancing ability of yours to good use. You can use your skill to wriggle in a _very_ _scary_ manner; it's a brilliant plan I should say." The man nodded at his brilliant idea, urging the two to agree.

Both travelled to a narrow path which led to a hidden trapdoor connected to the other side. The larger man led the way; his boots were squeaking due to the material it was made, and he was pretty sure that the guests would be _unimpressed_ if they heard Frankenstein waltzing in with rubber ducks for feet. His companion however, was having a hard time moving in his large costume. After what seemed like minutes, they were finally positioned behind the door.

The Seith Magic user opened the door as quietly as he could, but as soon as he did so—

"WHAT THE HELL?!" He screamed and fell on his butt.

"What is it?!"

"A-A-A monster!" Hesitant, Vjeeter maneuvered towards the door to check on the other side, and saw Natsu covered in flames from head to toe. He closed the door once more, and convinced his partner to continue their job.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack man! It's just Natsu… Besides, he already passed us by—we can just go and sneak up on him."

After composing himself, the downed man stood up and opened to door for the last time. The duo tip toed towards the flaming spectacle…well actually, the Worm costume made it hard to tip toe, so Vjeeter had to wriggle as quietly as he could…and miraculously, they managed to sneak up on their victims… But just when they were about to deliver the scare—

"Sneaking around, huh?!"

Natsu Dragneel turned around, his fanged mouth opened wide, and his eyes glowing eerily red. Mirajane was right behind him, clad in her Satan Soul form…and sneering at them with the malicious intent to…_scare_, hardcore.

"You think you can sneak up on us?!" The pinkette didn't even hold back—he punched both guys to kingdom come, but not before they uttered this word—

"M-M-MONSTER!"

…

—_Five minutes and two seconds later—_

_(Outside the Haunted House)_

…

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**

In the middle of the fair, the Haunted House attraction suddenly shook, before it was consumed by flames…before it completely fell on the ground. The spectators, staff and people in the vicinity ran as fast as their legs could carry them—away from the sight, obviously. Freed Justine ushered the people towards safety, and it was then that he met a beaten, bruised and burned Nab and Vjeeter—still in their costumes, running for dear life.

"W-What happened?!" He asked as soon as he was close enough, but both of them were shaking and mumbling incoherent things. When Nab pointed to the entrance, Freed could here Vjeeter's stuttering over the sound of raging flames.

"H-H-He's a m-m-monster!" In the corner of his eyes, Freed saw Natsu coming out with Mirajane from the entrance—both perfectly unscathed. He shook his head and made his report, afterwards saying—

"Erza's not going to like this."

…

—_ten seconds and three milliseconds later—_

_(Back with Erza)_

…

"WHAT?!" Erza yelled, disbelief written in her face. Different voices were emerging from her mind, and from what she could make out—

"_The Haunted House just blew up! Everyone's running away, and I assume he did it!" _Came a summary of the report. Lucy's eyes were wide, and so was Gray's… His whole body was in full view too, but that doesn't matter right now.

Erza Scarlet started pacing uphill…downhill…uphill…downhill, until she had enough. She bit onto a knuckle—a gauntlet-covered knuckle, and shook her head at the recent disaster.

"Tch…This just turned serious…" Unexpectedly, she suddenly glares at the sky…

.

.

.

She's not asking me to talk to her again, is she? I don't want to get more involved than I already am…

.

.

.

***sighs* **

_What?_

"What the hell do you wish to gain by doing this?" She spat out. _Seriously_, the killing intent she was letting out was no mere joke…

…_Uh, have fun?_

Out of nowhere, a thousand sharp and shiny swords appeared, _floating_ (yes, floating) in midair…and every single one was pointed at _me_.

_***chuckles***__ That won't reach me; you can't hit the West Wind after all._

"Really…Want to test that theory?" She muttered in an undertone…Man, this is one helluva scary girl.

_***gulps* **__Let's not do this—_

She's not easing up, so I did the most logical of things…

***snaps fingers*** _Behold: the power of Plot Development!_

She stood there gaping for some time, until—

"_Erza—the Exceeds lost sight of the targets!"_

"What?! All hands; search for them—now!" Breaking away from her daze, she summoned order after order, and after having done that, she turned to the sky one more time.

"I will end this madness."

* * *

'Sup?

Didn't see that coming, huh?

So first of all, this fic was made purely for fun...don't get too caught up in it, alright? Aaand…If you didn't realize this by now—yes, I trolled you. You can clearly see from the start that there's no way this fic would be an angsty NaLu story. To those who saw through the joke even before reading this, I salute you. To those who didn't, and for some reason, want to kill me for this...please don't, violence is baaaaad! Well anyway, in the spirit of good pranking…Happy April Fool's, bozos! **I'll change the story summary and description after I've had my fun.**

Okay, so I promised a NatsuxMira fic, and story-wise…this is it. _*shakes head in disappointment*_ On a serious note, I was going to do another angsty fic like Valentine's and Cigarettes, but I gave up midway…cuz seriously, I ran out of ideas and inspiration _*sweatdrops*_. Figured it would be nice to do a comedy/parody one instead to try a different thing.

So, it's still unfinished…cuz _again_, I accidentally made it extremely long, and I really, really, really wanted this to be out today for the occasion. _*Sighs*_** I'll continue working on this as soon as the results and reviews are satisfactory, so until then…this one will be left on the side.**

Don't forget to leave a review! I'll need your thoughts if you want the story to be continued!

…peace…


	2. Why did it become so twisted?

**Foreword:** Hmmm, seems as if a lot of people got fooled by the earlier story description. You've got to be more trusting, you guys... Or am I just too mischievous to predict? ***S****hrugs*** Anyway—

***Grins*** The insanity continues, and there's a reason this fic's been rated **M**. Consider yourself warned.

* * *

Disclaimer: **Fairy Tail is owned by the Legendary Hiro Mashima.**

...

…**Romance for a Day…**

_Why did it become so twisted?_

…

***coughs* **

Now, where were we?

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***scratches head***

Oh, right!

…

—_twenty minutes later—_

_(At a familiar bakeshop)_

…

Our story continues inside an interestingly, _very_ familiar bakeshop of sorts. From the outside, it was your normal pastry shop; a wide glass pane fronted the small but cozy building, its transparent surface revealing the magnificent and delicious array of cakes and other sweets on display. From the inside, it was as ordinary as it could ever be. How? It had the things, furniture and other not so important stuff that defined bakeries: Cakes, sweets, tables, pastries, cakes, customers, bakers, cakes…etc, etc. But what made the bakeshop _very_ familiar, however, was the presence of a plump, middle-aged man wearing a baker's outfit, who was continuously teasing the customers and guests with his boisterous speech and _super_ weird smile. (Know who he is? Read the prequel!)

Twenty minutes saw our troublesome duo sitting inside, on a _no-need-to-remember_ table for two, near a window facing the main street of Magnolia. With their comfortable seats facing opposite each others, Natsu Dragneel cautiously peered at the silver-haired female in front of him—his date, or to be exact—fake lover (Nisekoi!). Mirajane Strauss was looking over the menu with an amused smile on her face, her dainty fingers going up and down the laminated paper which held the names of desserts and sweets available. Beside her sat the fluffy, adorable-looking pink teddy bear the Dragonslayer had won (during the timeskip) for her. As if feeling the familiar stare, she gently placed the menu down and returned his glance with one from curiosity.

"Something wrong?"

"Nah…just thinking how nice the atmosphere is." He replied after leaning a bit back. They shared the silence of the moment…a silence spurned by the lack of a certain topic to talk about. Truthfully, he was bored out of his mind once again. After contemplating for minutes about whether he should eavesdrop on people—_again_ or not, the pinkette settled for glaring hard at certain man's crop of hair in a vain effort to have it spontaneously combust using his pyrokinetic powers…

.

.

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Too bad it didn't happen.

Natsu sighed for the umpteenth (more like, eighth…if you're counting the previous chapter) time, the lack of fun finally irking him and nearly driving him nuts.

"_Come on! Please, just make something happen!"_ He thought aloud…Before glaring hard at the wooden ceiling.

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***Sighs*** _Fine._

***Snaps fingers* **_Open, Gate of the Bread Maker: Unnamed plump middle-aged baker dude, I summon thee!_

"Aha! It's Natsu-kun and… Mira-chan?" Right on cue, the "_Unnamed plump middle-aged baker dude_" appeared out of nowhere. The fire mage choked on…dry air (lol), due to the suddenness of the event, but the pretty barmaid in front of him simply let out a wry grin, as if expecting the newcomer.

After all—this _was_ his bakery. That was to be expected.

"Won't Kagura-chan get angry at you?" The middle-aged man teased, but after having overcome the unexpected appearance, Natsu simply rolled his eyes. Mirajane, on the other hand had _enough_ waiting. She placed the menu down as softly as she could, and masked the annoyance of a _very_ late service with a convincing demeanor.

"I'd like a slice of red velvet cake and a strawberry parfait, please." She requested with a smile; one which was returned as kindly by the baker. The latter turned to the bored pinkette, who didn't even look at the menu.

"…meat." He barked, his voice muffled by the scarf he had pressed his face onto.

"How many times do I have to tell you—we only serve pastries." The baker deadpanned, as if stating the obvious. To this, the Dragonslayer pouted…before going on a mini-tantrum…before said tantrum turned into a real tantrum…before he was effectively _controlled_ by the devious maiden with a single glare.

"Aw, come on _oji_! Can't you do something about it? I did help you out last Valentine's." He voiced out half-pleadingly…

The older man sighed (for the first time!) before he finally conceded.

"Fine… I'll see what I can do." He left for the kitchen immediately after seeing the pinkette do a fist pump. Having seen the exchange between both men, the devious female propped a hand on the glass table, before resting her face on it.

"Natsu~"

"Hmm?"

"You come here often?" She asked, taking note of the familiarity the two men shared with each other. Being the smart woman that she was, it wasn't hard to come to the conclusion that her _supposed_ boyfriend was a regular.

"…Kagura likes it here. She always gets a discount on chocolate cakes and stuff…and _oji_'s quite fond of her as well." Natsu answered without a moment's hesitation, and she nodded once to affirm his reply.

"Hmmm~ Hey Natsu, can I ask you a question?"

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***Laughs* **_you just asked him one Mira_…

***Sees Mira fixing a death glare*** _Okay, I'm shutting up._

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"What is it?"

"Do you like Kagura?" The question was straight…and knowing how idiotic and stupid the guy was, she half-expected him to answer as such. It didn't even take him a moment; the question simply wasn't on a _head-scratching-brain-wracking _level for the (stupid) pinkette.

"Geez, why does everyone keep asking that?! Of course I like her!" Satisfied with the equally straight and surprisingly _un-idiotic _answer, the silver-haired maiden smiled weakly…but Natsu, _being_ Natsu and everything…had to add—

"—After all, I like everyone! Lucy, Lisanna, Erza, Gramps, Happy, and Wendy…and I hate to admit it, but even Gajeel, Gray and Laxus!"

...Mira inevitably had a reason to facepalm now.

"I'm beginning to understand Kagura now…you're really quite dense and tactless, you know?" But he kept on blabbering and blabbering about stuff he liked—fights, food, sleep, fire…etc, etc—until—

"...And I like you too Mira." He concluded earnestly. Having heard this simple, but unexpected statement…what could she do?

Mirajane Strauss' pretty face turned a bright shade of pink.

"…So dense."

…

—_Five minutes and two milliseconds later—_

…

The sound of silverware and ceramic plates clashing against each other was the only thing which remained in the dissonant background, as the mounds of food and entrées disappeared into the black hole known as the _Salamander's_ belly, and the stacks of used plates piled up to the sky (exaggeration—ceiling, I mean).

"Gghwap, thith stuffths gooff! Aye hwondeh whifh ogee dothent juff maghe thith bagheree a resthoranth—" Natsu's voice was muffled by the roasted beef he was stuffing his face into, but in the presence of a lady…that was clearly a no-no.

After standing up, Mira leaned towards him, but Natsu was dead sure it wasn't because she wanted to _expose_ those fleshy orbs which were (thank God!) suppressed by lacy…_undergarments_, inside her dress. (***Blushes* **Oh my…)

After choking at the…_wonderful_ sight, the oblivious but still hungry Dragonslayer looked up…and started shaking like crazy. The amused but ticked Take-Over mage raised her eyebrows after seeing this very untimely reaction.

"What? I haven't even said anything yet!" She complained…Seriously, she wasn't that scary now, was she?

"Y-You're gonna scold me, aren't you?" Natsu asked after some swallowing. His experiences with dining…no, eating _together_ with _girls_ nearly always had something to do with ending on his backside and his body having accumulated tons of hurt…and the mystery behind it totally befuddled his puny brain. Erza had made it a point to bash his brains whenever he ate _normally_ with her (normal being eating non-stop, _stuffing-your-face-out-until-your-cheeks-have-bloated-hardcore _and proceeding to speak the satisfaction of having enjoyed a scrumptious meal _while_ your mouth's still full.)

She stopped her sentence after seeing the troubled Salamander arguing with his thoughts, and proceeded to sit down after breathing a sigh (since I've lost count, let's make this the…third?). Her next motion caught the Dragonslayer's attention, prompting him to look over and smile—seems like he won't get scolded after all.

"Just don't talk while you're eating—It's bad manners." She stated gently.

"Mira, you're an _angel_…"

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***Chuckles* **_Oh really…? Let's see if you'll still think like that later. _***Smirks***

"Whadaya mean?" He asked mentally, but the voice disappeared like the wind…Mira on the other hand was showing a cute pout—apparently, she had heard the short conversation.

"Geez~ Don't talk as if I'm a powerful, evil being or something."

"Powerful, evil being huh?" The pinkette contemplated after a sip of cola.

…

—_At the same time—_

_(Somewhere in Magnolia)_

…

"Achoo! Ugh…" Erza Scarlet was a second too late in covering her mouth. The sudden sneeze caught the attention of her two teammates, who looked over to see what was wrong.

"You okay?" Lucy asked after handing her a handkerchief, but she simply shook her head.

"Someone's thinking blasphemous things about me."

…

—_At the same, same time—_

_(On a Train to Magnolia)_

…

"Ai—fwe!" Kagura Mikazuchi covered her mouth after a cute sneeze unbefitting her stoic demeanor. Luckily, no one was around to witness it. (Except I!)

"Why do I get the feeling that someone's referring to me without knowing it?"

…

—_At the same, same…same time—_

_(Somewhere at the edge of the time/space continuum)_

…

"_Achoo!" _After wiping away the stray snot which landed on his laptop's screen, a young writer hastily searched for the nearest tissue paper he could find.

"_Here ya go Blake!" _He looked back to the screen, for an outstretched hand had magically appeared, carrying a tissue roll. He could see the features of a second dimensional girl with short blue hair and a small but rather cute face behind it.

"_I needed that…Thanks A*****…" _

"_Can I come out now? Pleease~"_ The girl pleaded adorably, but the writer was unfazed.

"_No~ I'm saving you for another story."_

…

—_Another Five minutes and two milliseconds later—_

_(Back to the Earthland(ly) Plane—erm, Bakery)_

…

"Crap, this stuff's good! I wonder why _oji_ doesn't just make this bakery a restaurant—"

"You already said that."

"I was trying to make a point, so I said it twice."

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***Nods*** _Yeah, besides…the first one was barely recog—_

_***Sees another glare***__ fine…why can't I talk in my own story?_

_._

_._

_._

A typical conversation after a typical meal. After Natsu finished the last of his roasted beef, he emptied out his third glass of juice and leaned back to pat his _super_ (albeit comically) bloated excuse of a stomach. Satisfied, he closed his eyes to do some thinking.

"_The skin was a bit overdone, but the meat—man, what a fine texture…That sauce, I wonder what was in it? Some Rosemary maybe? Perhaps a bit of Thyme? Those spices were—"_

***Frowns*** _Oi, this isn't a cooking fic, so move on._

"_Who the hell do you think is giving me these lines?"_ He countered (***gasps***) smartly.

***Stares*** _You know, you're actually making sense…So I'll admit defeat by shutting up._

_._

_._

_._

"Why are you glaring at the ceiling?" Mira's worried voice broke him off of his stupor. He turned to face her, before blandly pointing out—

"Hey, you did it twice before me… besides—that guy's _really_ pissing me off."

The silver-haired maiden casually shrugged, and the duo silently agreed to ignore the rather _annoying_ voice from now. Mirajane opened her purse and took something from inside, then gestured for the pinkette to lean over. Curious, he complied…and the pretty barmaid wiped away the stray crumbs, sauces and stains on Natsu's face. (Hint—there was a lot.)

"Thanks _mom_." Natsu joked, before a spine-tingling chill made him shiver. In front of him, he could see the female smiling sweetly…in a _you-shouldn't-have-said-that-cuz-it-actually-pissed-me-off_ manner.

"_Mom? _Oh my, do I really look _that_ old to you? I'm still a fresh nineteen-year old, you know…" He swallowed hard after regretting the slip up. He raised his face heavenward with a desperate look saying—

"_SAVE ME!"_ Luckily (Through some intervention of sorts), the _Unnamed plump middle-aged baker dude _arrived with the bill.

"You two look really close. What's your relationship with Natsu-kun, Mira-chan?" The man asked after Natsu sadly bid farewell to a month's worth of saving…being the (***quote Elfman***) MAN!—and all, he was obligated to pay.

"Natsu's my lover." She proclaimed brazenly, before boldly grabbing the pinkette's hand, who quickly averted his blushing face from the baker's gaze. Said baker was raising his eyebrows due to the…interesting news.

"I thought Kagura-chan was Natsu-kun's—" He started, but was soon cut off. The customers were staring at the people gathered, especially the couple sitting in the _no-need-to-remember _table.

"That Kagura's really pissing me off. She's always hanging around with Natsu and everything, now people are getting the wrong idea." She muttered darkly, a menacing aura which halted all questions surrounding her.

"Eep!" Screamed Natsu.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Screamed the baker.

"MEN!" Screamed a…somewhat significant bandaged passer-by, accompanied by his three bandaged friends. (Spoiler—it was the Trimens. Scout duty if you're asking.)

"Crap." Muttered everyone else, before turning away and minding their businesses.

"I-I-I think a c-customer's calling me!" The baker dude bowed before excusing himself quickly. Satisfied with the reaction, the devious female reverted back to her _kind form_.

"Something wrong?" She asked, feigning ignorance.

"M-Mira, y-you're scaring everyone." Natsu replied, before leaning even closer to whisper—

"I thought we were only going to fool our friends?"

She stood up from her seat and moved over to sit beside him. The small but comfortable cushion chair was big enough for two, and the lack of space didn't bother him as much. When he looked again, she was giving him the _put-your-arm-around-me_ look.

"And I thought I told you we're playing a prank on everyone?" She whispered back after he rested his arm on her back. He had no idea why she specifically asked him to do this now of all times, but reckoned it was part of the plan. (Dumbass)

"I did tell you that this'd be the ultimate prank, didn't I?" She added after leaning her head on his shoulder.

Natsu took the silence as a chance to have another glance at her face…

"_She really is pretty."_ He mused.

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.

.

It was then that he had a revelation.

"_Hmmm? Now that I think about it, I really don't know much about Mira."_

Memories surfaced in his mind…Memories too many to be mentioned, or even write, but the gist of it was—Natsu barely knew Mira. He wasn't as close to the oldest Strauss compared to the youngest one. Though she looked a lot like his childhood friend Lisanna, Mira was sort of hard to read. She was mysterious, cunning, and was nearly always thinking of ways to either make the ultimate cake recipe or put you down through some devious means, or maybe even both—by baking the ultimate cake using the recipe and put you down with it…

He had never been too keen on getting close to her during his childhood, considering Mira had dubbed him as part of "Erza's Group", after which she had been so intent on teasing him endlessly. After the two years that Lisanna went missing, she had drastically changed, and this change had endeared him into getting to know her better…However, he had never succeeded in going beyond a simple caring friendship with her…

And it was there and then that he resolved to get closer to her, by utilizing this "fake" date to strengthen their bond.

"_Yeah, a date can solve everything_." He nodded at the idea, remembering his experience with a specific Sword mage.

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_Oh man, if only he knew that said Sword mage was riding her way back to him in order to check his loyalty… _

_._

_._

_._

"So, what should we go next? Movies (They were currently showing Harvey Pothead and the Poisonous Azz-Kaboom, the third of seven movies, focused on a young mage named Harvey's journey to remove _smells with spells_), park or what?" He offered, and the beautiful female was taken by surprise. She was already alarmed at his composure during their entire date, and to think he now had the confidence to try and lead her to the day's events…

Mira suddenly blew her cheeks and started whining.

"Aw~ now that you're treating this like a real date, I really wanna go! But, Natsu—can I ask you for a favor?"

Natsu Dragneel raised his eyebrows at the sudden request.

…

—_three minutes, and twenty-nine seconds later—_

_(Back with Erza)_

…

After having spent countless (No, twenty-five) minutes of hectic organizing and searching, Erza Scarlet and the rest of her guildmates finally found the whereabouts of the two, only for them to start moving again. The viewing lacrima in front of her was showing a visible image of the duo making their way out of the _familiar_ bakery and heading towards somewhere she knew not. To finish it off, they were once again being _lovey-dovey_, by leaning on each other and holding hands…

"Natsu, I swear…Kagura's going to have your head…"

"They're leaving… I wonder where they're going next?" Lucy voiced out, while Gray…was still in the act of searching for his clothes.

Man, this is getting nowhere…

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***Whistles*** _Oi~_

"What? Don't bother me—I'm looking for my clothes!" The naked mage shouted towards no one in particular. Actually, he didn't even know where the voice was coming from…because his clothes had to take precedence over everything.

***Shakes head*** _You left them in the guild._

"WHAT?! That's impossible! They always appear after the next scene—" He reasoned, suddenly realizing the oddity of the entire situation. The brunette looked around for the speaker, but he could only find his two female teammates on the side.

***Thinks*** _You know what? Scratch that—I've erased the existence of your clothes. You'll be naked for the entire duration of the story._

He gazed at the sky, and could've sworn that the clouds were forming a rather unique shape—of a face blowing a raspberry towards him.

"What kind of Sorcery is this?!"

***Shrugs*** _A powerful one I bet._

"You—" Frost gathered in his hands, but—

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**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!**

"**YEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!**"

"GRAY!" the naked Ice mage nursed his new bump while he glared at the familiar redhead beside him.

"What?!"

"Why the hell are you shouting?!"

"That guy stole my clothes!" He pointed a finger to the skies. Erza's face turned into a puzzled one, before morphing into a deep frown due to extreme _you've-gone-crazy_ bewilderment…before releasing a knowing look, as if she understood everything.

She shook her head to get rid of the unnecessary thoughts, and barked (but she's not a puppy~) her next orders.

"_Have the Exceed team trail the targets."_

"_Roger." _Warren answered via telepathy, before the link was cut off.

Lucy Heartfilia walked over towards the armored mage, her wide hips swaying together with her…other remarkable _assets_.

"Hey Erza, what's the point in all this? Why are we doing this again?" She asked doubtfully. Now that she thought about it, there was simply no reason as to what their objective was and what they were trying to achieve, apart from finding out that the stupid Natsu and the pretty Mirajane were _supposedly_ going out, even though Natsu already had a girl named Kagura…therefore making this a two-timing case against the pinkette.

"We're trying to confirm if Mira and Natsu are really going out." Erza replied straightly, but Lucy wasn't convinced at all. Sure, that _was_ the goal…but really, the question was _why_?

"Yeah, but doesn't this make it clear?" The blonde referred to the date, before adding—

"Besides, what's the big deal anyway? If they are lovers, shouldn't we just accept that and wish them the best?"

Erza's stern look gave her goosebumps.

"That _is_ it, Lucy. If they are lovers, then I really think Natsu's gonna be dead soon. You don't want Natsu to die, do you?"

Simple logic if you asked. Lucy shook her head, vaguely coming to grips with the "Natsu's gonna be dead soon" part.

"Besides, I think Mira's up to no good, and the _breeze_ has been very mischievous lately. I will find the truth about everything—as a Fairy Tail mage."

…

—_At the same time—_

_(Somewhere else…in Magnolia)_

_(Scratch that—Magnolia Park)_

…

One, two…O dear, we're short five heads.

"What the hell are those guys doing?!" Minerva Orland was standing in the middle of Magnolia Park; both of her arms were crossed under her gigan—_sizeable_ bosom, and the rigorous tapping of her left foot proved that she was indeed…horribly pissed. She looked to the left, seeing a bunch of people too unimportant to mention staring at her. She looked to the right, where her eyes met another group as unimportant as the previous one. A look to the front granted her a glimpse of her guildmate—Yukino Aguria. The white-haired female had a troubled look on her face, and hesitantly—she regarded the impatient woman in front of her.

"Umm…Orga-san has gone over to do some Karaoke, and he's taken Rufus-san with him. Sting-san and Lector are eating in a nearby restaurant…and Rogue-san took Frosch in order to go sightseeing."

"Those idiots…Why now of all times?!" The (evil-looking, trying-to-act-beautiful, funny eyebrows) mage stamped her foot in annoyance. There and then, the (unimportant) people of Magnolia stopped by to witness her having a tantrum of sorts. After a certain number of minutes too cumbersome to write in detail, she finally calmed down. Yukino, being the kind girl that she was, brought her some water to drink.

"Why are you after Natsu-sama anyway? I swear…If you try to hurt him, I'll fight even if it's you Minerva-sama!" She declared boldly, but Minerva simply smiled mischievously.

"My, I won't fight him… I'm gonna force him to _kiss_ me."

"…!"

She faced the afternoon sky, where the clouds were rolling peacefully, and the wind was blowing whimsically.

"A gentle breeze told me something really interesting…"

…

—_Fifteen minutes and two seconds later—_

_(In front of a certain room…situated in a certain hotel)_

…

"Hello? It's Mira, is someone inside?" After the brief (yes, that was brief) timeskip, our troublesome duo were now situated in—***points two lines up* **Mirajane was knocking on the door with minimal force, while Natsu stood beside her; his foot knocking on something too—the floor. His impatience was clearly visible, seeing as they had spent the last five minutes outside waiting for someone to open the door, or at least acknowledge their presence.

After a while, the door slowly opened…but Natsu didn't expect a woman to open it—a woman who was seemingly fresh out of the bath, and who only had a towel on to cover her important womanly parts. Her wavy, blond hair was sticking to her face due to its wetness, and the strong smell of shampoo and herbs assaulted his nose enough to drive away the lingering smell of coffee from the surroundings.

It was Blue Pegasus' Jenny Realight…but what was she doing in Magnolia?

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***Stares* **

***Smiles innocently***_ Really_, what was she doing here?

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.

"Mira! So, you received my message…thanks for coming." The blond gave Mira one of those challenging smiles which people reserved for their rivals, and she returned it with one of her own. After the exchange, Jenny noticed the male, and tilted her head in obvious confusion.

"Oh, if it isn't Natsu Dragneel-kun. What's he doing here?" She regarded the spiky-haired teen, who was looking at her impassively. For some reason, she was irked by his lack of interest in her _top-notch-covered-only-by-a-damn-towel-fresh-out-of-the-bath-and-dripping-wet-you-should've-been-drooling-by-now_ body, so she made an act of picking something on the floor in order to give him a glimpse of her cleavage, and when she stood straight again—

"Hmm, now that I think about it…I reckon I've seen you before." Was his only response. He thought long and hard, before moving closer and inspecting her flustered face.

"You could at least blush…It's a feast for the eyes, is it not?" She remarked coldly, but Natsu shook his head.

"Not really. I've already seen you naked in the _Daimatou Enbu_ anyway, so you in a towel isn't really a surprise." He concluded with a nod, before returning to Mira's side. The latter was covering her mouth due to amusement, while the woman in question was having a problem hiding her obvious annoyance.

"He agreed to help me, right Natsu?" The silver-haired maiden smiled sweetly at his direction, and he moved closer to her, before placing an arm over her shoulder.

"Anything for you, _babe_." Hearing this, Jenny's face dropped—the shock was enough to make her forget her earlier ire. She squinted her eyes and knotted her brows, before looking at the duo back and forth. When she finally had enough, she shook her head and welcomed them in. Natsu started pacing all over the room, searching for things to interest him.

"You're dating _the_ _Salamander_?" The blond whispered while she closed the door; her skepticism earning Mira's hidden amusement. On the other hand, the only male in the room had somehow found Jenny's secret stash of naughty underwear. He raised it up for Mira to see, mouthing—

_"It's got holes!"_—with mild amusement. After a slap to the back of the head by his _supposed_ date, and a brief scolding about underwear designs by the owner, Natsu finally settled on the couch with a bored expression on his face.

"No, we've already gone past that. He's my _lover_. You got a problem with that?" Mira continued from where they left off.

"W-What—I mean, yeah…he's hot and everything, but I heard he's quite dense…how'd you get him to even like you?" She asked in a low voice, but the barmaid simply replied with a smile.

"That's why I'm better than you Jenny. I can even make dumb guys like Natsu love me back."

…

—_at the same time—_

_(Somewhere outside the…certain hotel)_

…

"Why the hell are they in a love hotel?!" Erza's dumbfounded voice was heard by everyone. The shocking news quickly spread like wildfire to those who were involved in the "guild activity"…but truly, this was a very sudden, and maybe even grave event.

"_What should we do Erza?" _She heard different voices speaking out their doubts, worries and insecurities—but like them, she had no idea what was going on behind the devious she-demon's mind.

"_Tch. That sneaky Mira—what is she planning to do with Natsu?!" _

"_Obviously, since it's a love hotel—" _

"SHUT UP! There has to be a reason! Even if it's Mira, this is too far!" She stated doubtfully.

"_Erza, Erza—."_

"What is it Warren?!"

"_Bickslow has managed to gain access to the room by possessing some objects with his magic. We'll be able to hear anything inside it. I'll link the dolls' sense of hearing with my telepathy. Freed has also set runes in the area; sounds from inside will be filtered for the neighboring rooms." _

"Good job everyone—"

"_Also, I've confirmed what they're after. The room they're in is currently rented by Jenny Realight of Blue Pegasus."_

She no longer had any room for shock and confusion in her head…and she already knew who was to be blamed by the sudden event. (***Coughs***) Right now, she had to focus on what really mattered, and that was…what the hell was happening in that very room?

"I see…Now, we just need to find out what they're going to do."

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Hmmm…Now that I think about it—

***Whistles*** _Psst~_

Erza Scarlet looked around, trying to find the source of the nagging sound. Gray and Lucy looked at each other after seeing the redhead act oddly, but they simply shrugged it off and minded their own businesses. Out of options, she shook her head once and fixed her brown eyes at the peaceful sky.

"Hmmm? Oh, it's you…What do you want?" She asked tenaciously.

***Raises eyebrows* **_You shouldn't eavesdrop on people, you know?_

"Says the guy who can hear everything, just because he's the main _culprit_ behind it all…" She remarked coldly…Ugh, you're so heartless, Erza-sama~

_Touché…Hmm, but really—from where you're standing now, you shouldn't listen to the following conversation._

"You saying that just made me more curious…I appreciate you going out of your way to tell me this, but please—if you interfere, I swear I'll cut you into tiny ribbons." The feared _Titania_ stated with finality, and seeing as she wasn't going to be convinced no matter what, what could I do?

***Sighs*** _Harsh…Well anyway, don't say I didn't warn you~_

And the voice trailed away, eventually fading into nothingness. Feeling the presence disappear, she clenched her fingers tightly, awaiting further news.

"_The link's up! Everyone, please focus—"_

Erza closed her eyes and focused on the sounds her mind could perceive. After the painful buzzing of what seemed like feedback had faded, she could hear various noises of furniture being moved and feet shuffling inside. Using her mind's eye, she imagined the entire scene appearing together with the voices in her head.

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"I heard you're _very_ good with _these_ kinds of things, _Salamander_." She heard a female voice—Jenny's perhaps.

"Call me Natsu—and no, I just learned the basics from Mira." It was Natsu's voice this time, followed by a hum which most likely came from Mirajane.

"Hmmm…Oh my, you're so modest _darling_."

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"_DARLING_?!" Wakaba cried out in disbelief, before he was shushed out.

"_Shh, shut up!"_

"_When did they—"_ Macao tried asking, but he was shushed out like Wakaba.

"_Shut up, or I'll cut you off from the link!" _Warren threatened.

_._

_._

_._

"Well anyway, here, I'll show you—" Erza could hear some sort of object dropping to the ground, and judging from the soft and light sound it made, she figured they may have been clothes…

"_Wait…clothes?"_

Yes, clothes.

"W-Whoa! It's swelling—" Natsu's shocked voice ringed in her ears, and by now…she, like her namesake, started turning scarlet; because _by now_, she had a very _vivid _idea of what was going on.

"I got it because of a _really_ _physical_ job…Help me out, would you?" Jenny whined, after which she (Erza) heard a pause. A sudden creak told her that the female had moved to another spot, and a brief shifting of furniture meant that she had sat down.

"S-So…what do you want me to do?" Natsu asked nervously, his footsteps drawing nearer to where Jenny was. Erza's heart was beating fast—too fast. She could see what was happening even though she wasn't there, because after all, she had read about these situations in her…_smutty_ novels.

"Just rub it for now…" This simple but profound statement confirmed her fears.

.

.

.

"_B…B…BBWHAAAT?!" _Max spat out, followed by several gasps of shock from his guildmates.

"_RUB IT? RUB WHAAAAAAAAT?!"_

"_I said SHUT UP!"_

_._

_._

_._

"Ye—aah~ that's it… that's the spot, Natsu~" She couldn't stop the thick blush from spreading across her face, venturing down her neck and even covering the surface of her ears. Jenny's moans were the only sounds that she could hear, and her mind had inevitably showed her a very clear picture of what was going on…

"_N—No! Natsu's—"_

_._

_._

_._

"You really are stiff…" She could _almost_ see the pinkette's rough hands going…to _certain_ places and poking very _certain_ parts.

"Mmm…y-you're hands, they're very—_Aah_~…they're very good."

"Really?" She heard Natsu's innocent question, despite the loud and sensual moans permeating the dissonant background. If it weren't for Freed's runes, she could've sworn that the entire town would've heard the pants and gasps for air coming from the blonde.

"Y-You haven't done this before? You're a natura—kyaaah~"

"You alright? I only pushed it with my thumb…"

.

.

.

"_EEEEEHHHHHH?! WHAT THE HELL DID HE PUUUUUUSH?!"_

"_THAT THING IS NOT A DOORBELL, YOU DUMBA—"_

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP!" _She yelled mentally towards her _accomplices_…seriously, these guys get too worked up over tiny details. But if she had to be honest with herself, Erza Scarlet realized that the armor she wore was suddenly getting uncomfortable_—_too uncomfortable…and way too hot and stuffy.

.

.

.

"Don't ignore this down here…that's where it really throbs, you know?"

"You mean here—"

"AAH~! D-Don't suddenly probe it with your finger, you meanie~" Jenny whined, and if it was even possible, Erza's face turned a deeper shade of crimson. She looked to her left, and was somehow relieved to see that Lucy was in the same state. Though, unlike her—her eyes were but mere spirals, and she was putting her hands over her skirt, muttering—

"N-No…Don't put it there…"

To her right, she saw a still-naked Gray facing away from the group, and like Lucy; muttering things under his breath.

"No—why do I have to be naked now of all times?! What if they see _it_?! AARGH!"

.

.

.

However, things didn't stop there. The moans got louder and she nearly forgot the other occupant of the room, until—

"Why don't you lay down, Jenny? It'll help you." It was a suggestion from Mira this time, followed by another pause.

"T-That's a great idea…come on, Natsu~" Jenny voiced out, her breathlessness from earlier still intact. Another shifting of various furniture and footsteps came, and the noises trailed to another part of the room.

"Wanna do it here Natsu~? The bed's big enough for the two of us." Erza was amazed at the openness coming from the blonde's voice. It was as if the two had known each other for quite some time, though she presumed it was entirely because of the _opening_ _act_ earlier.

.

.

.

"_Wait…Did she say bed?" _Another mental voice broke out, but truthfully…she was relieved at the sudden interruption. Anymore, and she might just _start_ getting _wet_—

"S-S-Shut up, you d-dumbass!"

.

.

.

The flustered statement was actually aimed at a different person (***coughs***), but nevertheless, everybody heard it.

…Didn't stop them from talking though.

.

.

.

"_Well duh! Mira did ask her to lie dow—wait a minute, I know where this is going!"_ Ignoring her, someone answered the first inquiry.

"_I think we all know where this is going." _Someone answered back to the one who just answered back.

"_U-Umm, I-I don't know—w-what's going on?" _Erza heard a timid female voice asking the one who had answered back to the one who had answered back, with the hope of being answered back…(Lost, aren't you? So am I!) one that she did not expect to become involved in the conversation.

"Eh—Wendy?! Are you listening to this?!" She asked in turn, disbelieving her ears. Before the girl could answer, Warren was already making an excuse to save his sorry ass.

"_E-E-Erza! You told me to link it to everyone!"_

"EVERYONE?!" She asked again for confirmation. A gulp from Warren told her that he wasn't lying. But like the spine tingling yet pleasure induced voices, it didn't stop there.

"_Why are they making loud sounds?" _It was a childish male voice, one belonging to—

"_ROMEO?! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU—"_ She recognized Macao's voice, but that wasn't the worst part.

.

.

.

"_It's the same kind of sounds Mama and Papa make every night!"_

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"A-Asuka-chan?"Erza asked hopelessly, the words dying in her mouth.

"_YOUR MAMA AND PAPA DO IT EVERY NIGHT?!" _Everyone else yelled, and finally…she had enough.

"WARREN—Why the hell did you link the conversation to children?!"

"_I'm not a chi—" _Romeo tried, but Erza had already made a very significant point…And nobody could do anything about it anymore.

"_Sorry kids…you're too young for this."_

.

.

.

Things got even worse than what was presumed to be the worst when another voice appeared and joined in on the fun.

"_MWAHAHAHAHA—GO NATSU! GO AND MAKE ME SOME GRANDCHILDREN!" _The elderly voice obviously belonged to Makarov Dreyar, Fairy Tail's Master…but Erza was not amused at all.

"WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU IN THE LINK, MASTER?!—"

"_AAAAAAHHHH! NATSU'S MAKING GRANDCHILDREN?! WOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!"_ And yet another voice popped in, one belonging to—

"_HAPPY?! WHY ARE YOU—"_

"_I DIDN'T KNOW YOU MAKE GRANDCHILDREN THAT WAY! LUCY~" _Happy called childishly.

"_WHAT IS IT CAT?!"_

"_Come on now~ give us a moan…That way, you'll get a grandchild as fat as you."_

_._

_._

_._

"_This is one messed up event." _Someone too insignificant to name muttered.

"_Let's make the most of it though. This'll be my only line in the story." _Someone equally insignificant answered back.

_._

_._

_._

"_GO NATSU! GO, GO, GO—FOR THE FUTURE OF FAIRY TAIL!" _

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.

.

Those were the Master's last words, before he was immediately cut off.

Luckily for the eavesdroppers, there was a brief pause during the time they had their chat, and after Warren successfully disconnected the "kids" plus Happy, and _kicked_ the Master from the link, the conversation inside the room proceeded smoothly.

.

.

.

"Hmm? Anywhere's fine if you ask me." Natsu stated flatly, and Erza could only shake her head at his cluelessness.

"Hey, don't get too comfortable with each other." Mira warned the duo, after which the eavesdroppers heard something creak. The obvious shifting of weight meant that someone had finally gotten on top of the bed.

They confirmed it as Jenny when she said—

"What are you waiting for? Get on top—"

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.

.

"_GET ON TOP?! WHAT THE HELL—ARE THEY REALLY DOING IT?!" _In the midst of the chaos, the next few lines went unheard.

"_I KNEW IT! I KNEW THEY WERE—"_

"FOR THE LAST TIME, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Erza's patience was wearing thin by now…the sudden comments were distracting her from finding out (***chuckles* **more like, _enjoying_) what was going to happen next. She, like everyone, was highly anticipating what was to come.

.

.

.

"Be gentle, all right? This is the first time a guy's done it."

"Sure." Natsu's assuring reply was followed by another creak. They could hear the cushion shifting, after which—another pause followed. She waited with bated breath…All of them did.

"A…Ah…"

"How is it?" Natsu finally asked after what seemed like minutes, but Jenny—

"H-Hard…P-Painful…stop—"

"I shouldn't. The pain will go away faster if I keep moving." Natsu's voice was firm, and his composure truly astounded the _Titania_…if only this would have been a different situation, then she could have praised her pink-haired teammate…sadly…

"eh—? Don—aah~! yes…aah~ C-Come on, a bit faster~"

"Like this?"

"Yeah~, that's the spot Natsu~" Every time she heard Jenny moan Natsu's name, she couldn't help but shiver. Her armor was getting way too uncomfortable now, and when she finally had enough—Lucy and Gray were surprised to see her Requip into her **Flight Armor**. To spare them the pain, they decided to keep their mouths shut and returned their focus to the sounds.

.

.

.

"You look like your enjoying yourself." Mira suddenly voiced out in a teasing manner.

"This is actually quite fun...but Jenny's making really weird noises." Natsu stated blandly.

"B…But that's because it feels so…_so damn good_! Ye~ahh…Let me borrow him sometimes Mi—AAHH~ not there, Natsu~!" Jenny screamed, and Erza presumed that the male had _hit_ a _very_ _sensitive_ spot.

"Eh?"

"You've got to pay attention, Natsu. Anyway, No—I'm not letting you borrow him; he's mine." Mira stated sternly.

"Tch. Then I guess I'll have to make use of this time to its fullest. Natsu~"

"Hmm?"

"Push harder—"

"Like this?"

"AAH! You're too rough! AAH~!"

.

.

.

"_I don't think I'll be able to sleep after this."_

"_That fucking punk…"_ The comments had returned, and just when she was about to reprimand them for distracting her once more—

"_Erza! This is bad!" _She heard Freed call, and the urgency caught her attention, as well as everyone else's.

"WHAT IS IT?!"

"_Bickslow's losing consciousness! Bickslow, hold on man!"_

"…_Natsu…you've gone and done it, you bastard…As much as I enjoy it, I can't take it anymore...I'm happy for you—" _Bickslow's voice was one from exhaustion and deprivation of energy…but if this keeps up, his magic would disperse and the link would be no more. Static was starting to kick in, and the voices were slowly fading.

"_He's not gonna last!"_

"_Sorry…everyone. The sounds are too good; they're driving me too sleep..." _Bickslow apologized softly, but contrary to what was happening, the moans had gotten louder once more.

_._

_._

_._

"He—hey, don't slow down either—_aah_~ Yeah, that's it… Just keep up that pace."

"Man, I didn't think it'd be tiring." Natsu remarked after Jenny, after which Mira broke in—

"Oh, don't say that—you'll be _doing_ me next after all."

.

.

.

"…_Hahaha—That's it." _Bickslow muttered, and the connection from the room was cut off.

.

.

.

"_WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENS AFTER?!"_

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" _

_._

_._

_._

"What the hell just happened?!" Gray shouted while he _physically_ wracked his brains, demanding an answer (and a continuation) to what had transpired inside the room. Erza was still hung up on the entire scene, and it took her a full two minutes to realize that Lucy was calling her.

"Erza—Erza!"

"H—uh? O-Oh Lucy, w-what's wrong?"

"We really have to ask them about this…I'm afraid Natsu and Mira are in a deeper relationship than we presumed."

…

—_Forty-one minutes, seven seconds and fifty-three milliseconds later—_

_(At the certain hotel—In front of Jenny's room)_

…

Erza hastily rapped the door using her gauntlet-clad knuckles. Gray and Lucy were standing behind her; the former, naked as promised—

"I suddenly feel the urge to freeze somebody."

And the latter, as red faced as she had been…However, now that she had managed to hear such an act being done, she contemplated on using her new found knowledge as references for her _smutty_ novel—

"You know, I feel that we're being made fun of…in a way that we don't know."

.

.

.

Back to the main point—Erza knocking on the door. After five minutes, there wasn't even a single sign of someone coming to open it. She tried calling inside, but nobody answered her. Finally, just when she was about to summon a (big-ass) sword to slice the door, it suddenly went ajar; revealing the formally-dressed Natsu inside. His clothes were there, intact and they were _on_ him…unlike Gray's and contrary to their presumptions. The only thing which they found off about the Dragonslayer was the insane amount of sweat on his body—an amount insane enough to drench both his scarf and his black clothing to the very core. That—and the strong smell of herbs which seemed to be emanating from the man himself.

"…Ye—oh, it's just you guys." He regarded them with little interest, before letting them in.

"Huh, you're awfully red Erza—" Surprisingly, that was the first thing he noticed. It was surprising because of two things—one, Lucy was as red as Erza, save for her hair…so the unusual combination of blonde locks and red face should've stood out more. Second—Gray was naked…plus he too was glowing red—truly, if one didn't notice that first, he/she would've been either blind, or a total idiot.

Well, seeing as this is Natsu…Anyway—

The pinkette moved closer to inspect his armored friend, but she had grabbed his scarf and pinned him to the wall in one fluid move. Startled by the sudden assault, he could only raise his hands as Erza tried her best to not act flustered…but failed miserably either way.

"W-W-What the hell were you guys d-d-doing?!" She screamed directly at his ears…his oversensitive ears…and therefore nearly deafened him.

They heard a door open and close, before—

"What's wrong—oh, it's just you guys. Will you please refrain from making noises? Jenny's sleeping in the other room." The silver-haired _demon_ came to Natsu's rescue. The three newcomers looked at her with eyes full of disbelief—she looked perfectly fine from what they could gather, beautiful even…no, she was _glowing_. The ethereal glow she gave off was something so otherworldly, that the sun's rays would pale in comparison...

Okay, kidding…but you get the point.

"_Wait…Glowing?" _The redhead thought with mild curiosity.

"_Glowing…post-coital effects?" _And the blonde immediately started gathering notes…

"_Glowing…Aah, I can't look! She's so damn beautiful! I'm unworthy, Mira!" _The brunette confessed his unworthiness mentally while he covered his eyes from the radiance.

The three noted in turns, but interestingly; like the fire mage before her, Mira gave off a very strong herbal scent. Erza turned to regard the Take-over mage; her hands still on Natsu's scarf, who was unluckily…still pinned on the wall.

"What the hell were you thinking Mirajane?! Dragging Natsu here and making him engage in d-d-dirty acts! I will not allow it!" She turned to Natsu, whose eyes, mouth (and nostrils) were opened wide due to obvious fear.

"I will not allow you to continue your relationship with her!"

"But—" He started…

.

.

.

Natsu uses Reasoning!

The attack didn't have any effect.

Erza's turn: Erza uses Glare!

It's super effective!

.

.

.

And Natsu was effectively silenced. Mira however, didn't like the flow of the conversation. She brushed past Lucy and Gray, and stopped right next to Erza. Despite their difference in height, Mira looked up towards her rival's eyes with a challenging glare of her own.

"Who the hell do you think you are to decide things like that?" The barmaid asked gently, but her words were laced with poison.

"I…I—I am Natsu's…Natsu's…am Natsu's—" Lucy and Gray could hardly believe their eyes—Erza was stuttering over and over again, unsure of what to answer…hesitant over the small matter. The woman in question had taken the question very seriously, and when her mind gave up on her—

"It doesn't matter! Natsu—"

"Y-Yes?!"

"What did she ask you to do?! Tell me!"

The pinkette grimaced, before putting on a thinking posture despite the position he was currently in. The other occupants of the room stood there, staring at him for what seemed like minutes. He scratched his head after sometime, and replied dumbly—

"Hmmm…some stuff I guess?"

"BE SPECIFIC, DAMMIT!"

"A-AYE! Mira brought me here to help Jenny out!" He confessed, both hands in front of his terrified face. Erza had pulled back her right hand and aimed her clenched fist on him.

"Help out…how?"

The (stupid) Dragonslayer thought for a moment, before replying.

"W-Well…Jenny said that she was feeling stiff, so asked me to _touch_ her in _specific_ parts…"

"SPECIFIC PARTS?!" Lucy yelled together with Gray, before the duo looked at each other, before they both looked back to the confused pinkette and shouted once more—

"SPECIFIC PARTS?!" Natsu shrugged and continued his explanation.

"J-Jenny told me she liked it, and she laid down so I could start doing _it_ properly."

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.

.

"_Oh my…" _ Mirajane Strauss covered her mouth with mild amusement, because the stupid idiot—_her_ stupid idiot was spouting very vague and double-sided lines…lines which eventually happened to become misunderstood by the newcomers. Judging from the look on their faces, Mira realized that the members of team Natsu, save for the supposed leader, were rather jittery and flushed, which meant that—

"_Mr. Narrator?" _She looked above and focused.

***Stops laughing perversely, before regarding the female*** _Hehehe…Hmm…yeah?_

"_Why are you giving him easily misunderstood lines?"_

***Thinks hard***_…It's called plot development, plus it's fun that way... You got a problem with it?_

Mira looked back towards the team, and in that very moment—her devilish side kicked in. Being the _devious_ she-demon the she was, had been, and is currently now…she grinned wryly at the chance of furthering her plan faster.

"…_If it'll help with the plan, then I don't mind." _She smiled heavenward one more time, before looking sternly in what was to be taken as a _you-can-shut-up-now_ expression.

.

.

.

On Natsu's side, things were getting more complicated. No, more like—the pinkette was making them more complicated with his very _vague_ statements.

"Afterwards, Jenny told me to do it harder…and she lost consciousness after I was finished with her. Man, if you saw the look on her face—Erza?" Natsu's eyes landed on his _jailer's_ _incandescent_ face. Hell yeah, it was glowing red, and he could almost swear that if he touched it, he'd be burned despite his constitution as a fire mage.

Gray and Lucy still haven't recovered from the earlier shock, by the way.

"SPECIFIC PARTS?!" Gray shrieked out of the blue.

"SPECIFIC PARTS!" Lucy replied as sudden as Gray had.

"SPECIFIC PARTS?!" Another girly shriek from Gray.

"SPECIFIC PARTS!" And another nonsensical line from Lucy. This went on for quite some time, and since it would be a drag to keep repeating this…

.

.

.

***Picks up a (Magical) remote, before pointing said remote to the two, before hitting mute***

"….?!" Gray mouthed.

"…..!" Lucy mouthed.

"…..?!" Gray mouthed, shocked at his sudden voicelessness.

"…!~*#" Lucy mouthed, before finally giving up.

Yeah, that's better. Onto the story!

.

.

.

"…then—What happened next?!" The three, on the other hand, haven't been too keen on taking the conversation elsewhere. While the other members were trying to find a remedy to the lack of sound, Erza and Natsu had been continuing the discussion without care for their teammates' dilemma.

"Well, it was Mira's turn I guess. She laid down while Jenny was sleeping, and I did the same process with her—what's wrong…? You guys look as if you've witnessed the end of the world or something." Natsu looked to the two, who were pointing to their throats and making gestures of being without sound, but he disregarded them and set his sights back to the stoic faced Titania.

"…so you really did do it."

"Yeah! It was my first time too—and man, was it tiring!" He stated enthusiastically, and finally…finally, Erza let him go. He rubbed his sore neck and fixed his scarf, before releasing a heavy sigh.

_It was the ninth one…_

"So…you didn't know what you were doing?" Erza asked one last time to a still-clueless Natsu, who gave away a very Natsu-like, hence straight but stupid answer.

"Uhh, I was helping them out….? Did I do something wrong?"

Erza's head snapped towards the silent Mirajane. The neck breaking speed at which she did the feat was no joke, and if only she wasn't Erza, her neck would've been dislocated by now.

"MIRAJANE!" A glow of light, and a sword magically appeared out of nowhere. The armored mage grabbed the floating sword as soon as it was summoned, and pointed its wickedly sharp edge towards the she-devil. She raised it high above, her look torn beyond anger, but Natsu stood in the way. He stretched his arms to the side, his face devoid of any hesitation or fear.

"_Erza's gone crazy!" _He had to protect Mira at all costs…Especially from a crazy _Titania_.

"MOVE OUT OF THE WAY NATSU! DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S DONE TO YOU?!"

"What?" He was taken aback by the sudden question. Without lowering the sword, Erza pointed a steel-covered finger towards the devious female behind him.

"You've _corrupted_ him Mira!"

"_Corrupted_ me? What's she saying Mira?!" But the barmaid actually had the audacity to laugh, and to make matters worse—

"So what? He's my lover anyway—I can do what I want with him!" She jumped and embraced Natsu from the back. Erza's focus was disrupted after seeing the…rather flirty act. The silver-haired female was running her hands all over Natsu, and said male wasn't fighting back at all! The only thing he could do was look to the side in order to hide his embarrassment. Finally, Erza resumed her poise, but—

"It's you who has a problem Erza—why don't you mind your own business?! Or are you jealous—Ah, I see. You're jealous because I've beaten you by making the idiotic Natsu—"

"—Hey!"

"—first; fall for me, and second…progressed deeper with me! Even though you guys have been _that_ close since you were kids, I've done it! I'm taking away your bond and making Natsu mine!" She rested her chin on the Dragonslayer's shoulder, before leaning in closer to whisper something to him.

Her words had an obvious impact, because Erza lost her steel for a brief moment.

.

.

.

"…?!"

"….!"

Oh yeah, Gray and Lucy were still muted by the way.

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.

.

At her patience's breaking point, the infamous redhead gritted her teeth and steeled her eyes once more.

"You're way too cocky Mira! As if I'd lose to you just because of that! Natsu and I go way back—"

"Oh—really? How about this then…Natsu~"

"Yeah?"

"Who do you think is better between us?" Mira suddenly stuck her face to his, and his cheeks flared red for a moment. He had never experienced this kind of _zero-barrier _distance with someone. It was too close for him! To close I tell ya, and his mind couldn't catch up to the new experience. His eyes went wide when he suddenly felt his earlobe being pulled away—not by fingers, but by some slightly sharp objects. Erza's eyes went wider than his, because she could see a clear view of the obscene act from her perspective.

Mira was sensually biting Natsu's earlobe—something she had never seen before, only read at…_where else?_ Her _smut_ books, of course. She could see her rival nipping the part, tugging it with her teeth, and using her tongue to tease it endlessly…and my lord, she was _good_.

Just ask Natsu.

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.

.

"_M-M-Mira? W-Why are you e-eating me?" _Natsu whispered, genuinely horrified.

"_Say that line!" _Mira whispered back after tugging the fleshy part one last time.

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.

.

"Aha-haha! Of course it's you Mira. I wouldn't be with you if I didn't think so."

Mirajane Strauss smirked, victory at hand. Erza's sword dropped to the ground together with her resolve—for the declaration had unexpectedly devastated her; she had trusted Natsu to choose their long-time friendship against his new-found love interest…

And Natsu—Natsu felt like he was going to get stabbed…not once, not twice…not even thrice…but perhaps four, times two hundred thousand—times, due to the line he blatantly said.

"Natsu…I can't believe you—just because you're with Mira…and I thought…" Erza muttered dejectedly, and behind her, Lucy and Gray were shaking their heads as if saying—

"_You shouldn't have said that."_

"_She must've taken it hard."_

"_She trusted you."_

"_You chose Mira over her."_

"_You're gonna die"_

"_Don't bother dying—you're already dead."_

"_It was nice knowing you, Natsu…"_

Again, _as if saying_—cuz then again, they couldn't use their voices right now. But the message got across him, and he instantly regretted those words. Despite the prank he was trying to pull on them all, _and in spite of this being a purely random story_, Natsu realized that he couldn't just cut his bonds with his friends just because of a stupid lie.

"Wai—" However, the Take-Over mage wasn't thinking along those lines…so she stopped him from ruining everything by pinching the nearest part she could grab—his chest…he yelped, but it was because Mira had pinched his right nipple instead.

.

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.

"OOOOOOUUUUCH! IT HURTS! IT FUCKING HURTS!"

.

.

.

"There you have it, so would you please excuse us? Natsu and I have a date to—" Mira started after she had secured Natsu's hand, but Erza—

"You're the cause of this, Mirajane."

"Hmmm?"

A monstrous red aura materialized behind her, _carrying a force of 999,999 gigawats behind_—scratch those last seven words—and the force behind it was no mere joke. Gray and Lucy's voicelessness vanished because of the magic power she was letting out, and they finally…found their voices. (Duh!)

.

.

.

***Smirks, surprised*** _Whoa! Did. Not. See. That. Coming._

.

.

.

"Natsu's changing because of you! I was already pissed when he stopped hanging out with us because of Kagura, and now you—you changed Natsu! I'm killing you!" Another flash of light, and she had requipped into (_a Mobile Suit…__GN-0000/7S 00 Gundam Seven Sword…!_) her **Heaven's Wheel Armor**.

.

.

.

_Uh…wrong requip Erza! Bring out the Seven Swords Suit!_

_._

_._

_._

"Dance, my blades!" Disregarding the nagging voice, she summoned her swords and aimed them at the duo. Natsu took the initiative—the initiative to get the hell away from the scary woman, and after grabbing Mira, he jumped off from the window as the blades sailed overhead and nearly skewered him.

"Mira, this is getting quite serious—" He reached the ground unscathed, which was hard to believe because the room was in the tenth floor…but seeing as this is pure fiction, the previous argument became invalid.

However—the duo found themselves surrounded by everyone. Every Fairy Tail member involved in the "guild activity"; even those who were too insignificant to remember, plus the envoys from Lamia Scale and the Trimens of Blue Pegasus, had formed a literal ring with them at its center. More nameless and insignificant mages were pouring in, effectively shutting off any and all escape routes.

"No use running…Everyone already heard…your scandal—" Erza shouted from above.

.

.

.

Natsu swallowed hard. Somehow, the situation had become a gigantic catastrophe—even bigger than Lucy's bre—no…this and that are two unfair to even compare. Well anyway—

Their strength and numbers, however, didn't deter Mira from finishing what she had started. Still cradled in the Dragonslayer's strong arms, she brazenly proclaimed in a loud and mighty voice—a voice which was heard by everyone.

"Is that so, then I'm telling everyone this—I am Natsu Dragneel's _lover_!"

Every single male glared at Natsu, and every single female Natsu fan glared at Mira…but she wasn't done flaunting—

"Therefore—this would make me the _lead female protagonist_ of this world!"

.

.

.

"What?! That's my spot!" Lucy yelled from above, but Mira smugly countered as loud as before.

"Not anymore! The rule says that the lead male protagonist—Natsu Dragneel's love interest will always be the lead female protagonist!"

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.

.

Mayhem broke out. Chaos erupted. A large riot occurred, and the bloodthirsty mob broke its ranks due to the extremely confusing event. It was a total pandemonium, and an insanely twisted version of reality itself. The world started shaking, the winds started howling, and in the midst of it all…every single one of them heard the energetic laughter of a man from high above.

_**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

"What the hell is happening?!" Somebody yelled after the shaking stopped. The sky became still, together with the ominous, booming voice…but—

"I never thought it would be _this_ grave…"

Yes…they soon found out that tampering with reality is a very, _very_ grave matter. By changing reality into fantasy, the balance of the world would be at stake…

"We need to stop her! We need to stop this madness!"

"What ever happened to only finding out about their relationship?"

"How did it turn out like this?!"

.

.

.

Okay, enough with the ominous lines and super cheesy drama. ***Counts sixteen lines above* **That part was a bit exaggerated, so please…ignore them.

.

.

.

"…wait, WAIT A SECOND!" In the midst of the ensuing chaos, the loud voice of a mob character questioned, and prompted the confusion and bewilderment of the gathered people to cease.

"I just gotta ask, who the hell said that Natsu was the main protagonist or something?" He reasoned to his comrades, who in turn—

"Was Natsu the main protagonist of this story?"

"I didn't know that…did you?"

Murmurs broke out, and the confusion returned. Now, they had a new issue to delve into…

And then…everyone looked above, as if waiting for a miracle to occur.

.

.

.

***Sighs* **_What?_

"Was she saying the truth?" Someone from the mob asked, referring to Mirajane's earlier statement.

***shrugs* **_Guess so…_

"What does _Main protagonist_ mean anyway?" Another one inquired after some support from _relatively-but-not-quite-so_ important characters.

***thinks*** _Hmm, there's a lot to it actually, but to sum it up, I guess it means that they're better than any of you will ever be—_

***dodges a shoe thrown by someone* **_Okay, who the hell did that?_

***dodges another shoe***

"Fuck you!" Someone shouted.

_Oh no—you did not just say that—_

***dodges a size twelve shoe***

.

.

.

_You think a shoe can hurt the immortal, omnipotent West Wind?! _

"What makes you so omnipotent?! You just dodged a fucking shoe!"

.

.

.

***grins maniacally* **_That was a rhetorical question… You don't answer rhetorical questions, bozos!_

"Die!"

"Poser!"

"Fucker!"

***Thinks* **_Anyway—I'm pissed, and you guys are so dead._

"Ooh, I'm shaking in my custom made, baby-seal leather boots!" Gajeel spat out arrogantly. The naked Gray was laughing rudely behind him.

"What you gonna do, bore us to death?"

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.

.

***Cracks knuckles*** _You've heard of Legendary Magic, right?_

Nearly everyone was dumbfounded…except—

"…No." Laxus muttered with disbelief, his mouth twitching.

"D-Did you say Legendary Magic?" Erza asked with wide eyes, wishing the claim was untrue.

"Y-Y-You're joking, right?" Natsu nearly pissed his pants, and the reactions from the three top-tier mages told everybody one thing—this guy (***coughs***) must be _crazy_ powerful.

.

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***chants in a very creepy and ominous way* **_Quattor Venti, congrego et exaudio vox mea…Une Ventus, sterno et occido omnis ea!_

_._

_._

_._

The voice carried on, resounding time and time again, like a never-ending echo, and stirring up the very atmosphere with it. This time, the winds _really_ did start howling, and the heavy shadows underneath the clouds brought with it lightning and peals of thunder. In the blink of an eye, the sun disappeared, and the rain came and drenched them all. The heavy storm proved to be fatal, when they found the clouds descending from the heavens in a swirling mass of strong winds.

"T…Tornado!" Jet yelled, horrified.

"No…G-G-Giant ass tornado!" Droy corrected, but equally as horrified as his partner.

"C-C-Crap! I-I'm s-s-shaking! Help!" Gajeel's knees had buckled, and he really…_really_ regretted saying his last statement.

Just one more word, and they'd all be dead. Even now, despite the incomplete storm, people were being sucked into the vortex, clothes were being ripped out and turning people naked, to the ire of many and the sympathy of a certain Ice-mage. As the cyclone descended, and the people started running…Mirajane Strauss was crossing her arms; an unamused expression gracing her face.

_**Deflo…**_

Luckily for them, the supposed _Lead Female Protagonist_ saved all of their sorry asses using nothing but a single reminder to the psychotic being.

"_Ahem_. Can we please move on, Mr. Narrator?"

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.

.

_***Scratches head*** Oh yeah, I got carried away…so moving on—_

And just like that, everything died down. The storm was dispersed, the winds stopped raging, the sky brightened up, the sun reappeared and the magic was diffused. But the incurred damage was irreversible—naked mages were still running amok, and everyone was still perturbed over the _devastating_ technique.

***Shrugs*** _Anyway, Natsu and Mira… you should be running by now. In the next five minutes, every single one of them will be after you._

Snapping away from his stupor and taking the advice, Natsu did just that, and started running with Mira in his arms. The bewildered mob didn't notice them slip by…until—

Five minutes la—_wait a second_…

…

—_Five Minutes Later—_

…

***Claps* **_Okay, now that they're gone, I propose a new rule—the first one to make contact with Natsu's mucous membranes and hers will officially be the female lead._

The daze was lifted, and all of them returned to normal. They looked at each other, scratched their heads and tried to remember what was going on…and the message sunk in.

"What?!" Levi started.

"What do you mean?" Cana continued.

"We're still going on about that?" Lucy continued after Cana.

"FEMALE LEAD?! Do tell—" Evergreen continued after Lucy, and the girls started flailing their arms in order to voice out their inquiries.

_***Rolls eyes***__ Do I have to spell it out? I mean a kiss—_

The last declaration was heard by everybody, and when the surrounding females grasped the current situation—

"NATSU! COME BACK HERE!"

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They ran…all of them did…Leaving the gaping males staring wide-eyed at the snickering sky.

"That's so fucking unfair!" Nab yelled after minutes (too tiring to write in a separate section.) The male populace started hurling and chucking things heavenward—insults, offending languages, weak and pathetic magic attacks…and even size-twelve shoes and sandals.

"You called us here for nothing?!" Lyon built up the courage to ask. He and his team had been waiting for their moment…but—

"Give us some action!" Yuka yelled.

"Give me my sock!" Toby yelled in turn, and everyone turned to him with a "R_eally, your sock? Now of all times?" _expression.

"What about us?" Gray finally asked what everyone was worried about.

***Stares*** _What about "What about" you?_

"At least give us something?"

***Thinks*** _Nah…_

_._

_**[Insert epic lightning strike coming from the ground and zooming towards the sky sound effect]**_

_._

***Dodges a lightning bolt*** _Hey, easy there!_

_._

_._

_._

"What we're trying to say here is—will there be benefits if we beat up Natsu or something? We've been chasing him for some time now." The crowd looked towards Laxus, who was crossing his arms and tapping his foot impatiently…He was _unexpectedly_ polite though.

***Nods*** _Aah, I see…Since you're more polite than usual, I'll consider that. Hmm, what do you want me to do about it?_

"At least let us have a go at Lead Male Protagonist or something, you di—" Hibiki shouted with his teammates' support, but—

***Grins wickedly*** _You're not gonna say dick, are you?_

"—lligent, a-a-awesome guy!" Ren and Eve continued after shutting him up, nervousness written on their dastardly handsome faces…but—

"Don't you mean, Dilligent and Awesome MEN!?" Ichiya suddenly popped up from nowhere…

"It's MAN! Not MEN!" Elfman angrily corrected him…but the (ugly) senior from Pegasus' did not want to go down that easily.

"MEN!"

"MAN!"

***Facepalms*** _Fine…Enough…Just shut up. Anyway—the first one to make Natsu say "uncle"…gets benefits._

"What benefits?"

***Shrugs*** _How about, character changes?—For the duration of the story of course. I could make Droy look thinner or Ichiya become—_

_*__**Looks towards Ichiya* **__no offense, less ugly. You name it—status, fame, money, women…_

_***Looks to Gray* **__I could even give you your clothes back._

_._

_._

_._

"WHOAAAA!"

"LET'S GET THE BASTARD!"

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_And there you have it. Yes, this is where chaos truly starts…_

_It began with a date…_

_A misunderstanding brought about a huge scandal…_

_Now, everyone's after him…_

_The question is—how will this end?_

* * *

'Sup?

Okay, first off…One-shot? Hah, scratch that! I will go on and say how contradictory my words have been… Pfff, one-shot… I wonder when I'll be able to write a _real_ one-shot.

Anyway—

Crap…didn't expect this one to take so long and _be_ _so_ long—no honestly, I got carried away and made it longer again…To top it off, I had it ultimately split because of the length. Hahahaha… Yeah, it's _that_ long. This stupid talent of writing things and making them longer than they originally are is starting to bite me…hard.

Actually, I only managed to put this up now cuz I've been sick for a week, and just got well quite recently, plus I've been suffering from the bane of all writers—some sort _motivation-deficit disorder_, which practically means I haven't been too into writing in the past few days. It is safe to say that I've found my motivation though…at least for now. Oh yeah, sorry for putting your hopes up with that foreword warning. ***laughs evilly* **You guys didn't expect me to write a lemon, or at least a real one, did you now?

Oh yeah, on a note though, inspiration and bases for the ideas came from three fics—**Rebellion** and **Eavesdropping** by _I.-.-.I Kuroyagi I.-.-.I_ and **A Slight Change in Time** by _Neoshadows_. Go check 'em out if you haven't yet. Well anyway, I'll be finished with the last part soon. Yes—the last part. The vague scenes will inevitably cleared (***points to Jenny's room scene***) so while I'm at it, go and leave me your thoughts…

…peace…


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